After frantically texting Cora and Essie several iterations of Bitch, I’m about to ruin my life and offer my pussy to my new neighbor as a welcome-to-the-neighborhood gift, I googled him. Google delivered, and Lander and I were dead in the water like an inflatable pool swan at the end of a bachelorette weekend in Cabo. Despite the literally endless list of professions available to a tall as hell, distressingly attractive, well-educated guy, he had to be a lawyer.
