A therapist many years later told me her theory of marriage. When you’re young, you marry someone who has the qualities you wish you had. In my case, I was drawn to Jeffrey because he was smart and serious. He was a “grown-up.” He did the same thing, seeing me as someone who was always fun and happy—the life of the party. As you grow older, one of two things happens. Either you start to find those differences increasingly annoying and you grow apart, or—and this is what was happening to us—you gradually become more like each other, even as you remain who you are. With time, Jeffrey became
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