I would think, ‘I’m someone who inspires disgust, that’s the value that I have.’ And what’s even more disgusting is how I would internalise that gaze and perpetuate it. I would look down on someone who liked me, and out of my obsession with weight, hate people I perceived as fat. My hate was all twisted, but in the end, I think I was projecting myself onto them, seeing myself in them.
