The Third Gilmore Girl

by Kelly Bishop

I admit it, given a choice, with a handful of exceptions, I tend to prefer the company of animals to the company of people. Animals are honest—there’s not a hint of pretense about them, they just unapologetically are who they are, and their capacity to love and be loved outshines ours by about a million.

If I sound as if I’m trying to justify the fact that I married this man, it’s because that’s exactly what I’m trying to do.

I knew all that before I married him, so what was I thinking? Well, stop me if you’ve heard this one, but I guess I thought I could fix him. I forgot to ask if he wanted to be fixed.

Me, walk away from a challenging unfinished project? I don’t think so.

Anyone who’s married to an addict who shows no interest in doing anything about it needs to be prepared for the probability that sooner or later, the only hope of surviving intact is to get out.

I’d be tempted not to mention him at all, but let’s face it, some experiences in life leave wounds that heal, and some leave scars that never quite go away.

That it took my falling for someone else to compel me to break up with Kevin once and for all will always be on my list of times when I really disappointed myself.

I still get chills of happy, unforgettable memories when I hear that song.

Challenges like Six Degrees of Separation were a godsend in so many ways. They helped me grow as an actor. They helped me along in my never-ending pursuit to learn, to find out what I’m good at and what I’m not, and to explore what I really love and what I don’t. They introduced me to some amazing people. They were great for my résumé and my bank account. And they were very timely and very therapeutic—for the most part, they kept me focused on life rather than death.

Losing my mom was the worst, most devastating thing that had ever happened to me. When I lost her, I didn’t just lose my mom. I lost my hero. My biggest fan. My fiercest protector and my wisest, most patient teacher, who taught me everything from my first ballet lessons to honesty, to not being defined by my circumstances, to always, always loving myself, because if I was special enough to be loved by her, I must be worth loving.

“If it’s meant to work out, it will. If it isn’t, it will just make me available for what I’m supposed to be doing instead.”

You know those rare people you’re introduced to for the first time and instead of saying, “Nice to meet you,” you’re tempted to say, “Oh, there you are!”? It’s as if you’re not new to each other, you’re actually old friends who’ve just been waiting for a chance to reconnect.

One of the blessings that continues to bring me peace is breaking the habit of mourning the loss of times and experiences I’ll never have again and insisting on celebrating them instead. It’s not the easiest habit to break, and I can’t claim to have broken it completely yet, but it’s well worth the effort to keep trying.

Whatever it is, I believe you immerse yourself in it, work hard at it, express yourself through it, challenge yourself with it, give yourself every opportunity to fall in love with it, and explore the adventures that come with it. If it’s the right dream for you and it allows you to support yourself, so that you’re not pursuing your dream at someone else’s expense, it will probably last a lifetime. If it stops being enjoyable and fulfilling and you fall out of love with it—if it starts feeling like drudgery to the point where it becomes painful and depressing—there’s nothing wrong with saying, “Okay, what else do I want to do with my life?” and start pursuing that dream.

“Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.”