The Lies of Locke Lamora (Gentleman Bastard, #1)

by Scott Lynch

AN OLD Camorri proverb has it that the only constant in the soul of man is inconstancy;

If he had a bloody gash across his throat and a physiker was trying to sew it up, Lamora would steal the needle and thread and die laughing.

I’m an initiated servant of the Nameless Thirteenth—the Thiefwatcher, the Crooked Warden, the Benefactor, Father of Necessary Pretexts.”

It means that you’re such a sullen, thick-skulled little fuck-up that your former master actually went to the capa and got permission to kill you

There are only three people in life you can never fool—pawnbrokers, whores, and your mother.

We don’t believe in hard work when a false face and a good line of bullshit can do so much more.”

a good confidence game took three months to plan, three weeks to rehearse, and three seconds to win or lose the victim’s trust forever.

Pickpockets rob the common folk, merchants rob anyone they can dupe, Capa Barsavi robs the robbers and the common folk, the lesser nobles rob nearly everyone, and Duke Nicovante occasionally runs off with his army and robs the shit out of Tal Verrar or Jerem,

Attend me tomorrow, on my barge, at the Shifting Revel. Make your proposal to me; let us discuss it thoroughly.”

and there's the hook, little fishy. nom nom!

This time, the swift dark shape that flitted silently from rooftop to rooftop in their wake went entirely unnoticed.

Bug saw it, here it is again....what is it though?

But the four most fatal words in the Therin language are ‘Locke would appreciate it.’ ” “Rivaled only by ‘Locke taught me a new trick,’ ”

Throwing blondes at Locke Lamora was not unlike throwing lettuce at sharks,

rats in the hold have little chance to take the wheel of a ship that is about to run aground. But those same rats may very easily abandon the ship.”

“Fuckdamn,” said Conté, totally unable to help himself when the sums involved vanished over his mental horizon. “Beg pardon, Doña Sofia.” “You should.” She drained her snifter in one quick unladylike gulp. “Your calculations are off. This merits a triple fuckdamn at least.”

Other cities have gladiatorial games; other cities pit men against animals. But only in Camorr can you see a specially armed gladiator (a contrarequialla) battle a live, leaping shark, and in Camorr only women are allowed by tradition to be contrarequialla. This is the Teeth Show.

my father used to say that one moment of misjudgment at the Revel is worth ten at any other time.” Locke bowed deeply to her, taking one hand and kissing it. “I doubt him not at all, Doña Sofia. Not at all.”

You can’t help being young, but it’s past time that you stopped being stupid.

It is one thing to kill in a duel, to kill in self-defense, to kill for vengeance. It is another thing entirely to kill simply because you are careless.

We don’t just want the Thorn, we want his accomplices. His contacts. His sources of information. His entire network of thieves and spies. We have him in the open, now, and we can follow him as he goes about his business.

“It’s a fine idea,” Locke said, adjusting his tie. “We’re Midnighters. We’re full of ourselves. What sort of self-respecting spy would break into a manor house in darkest night wearing green, or orange, or white?”

omfg it's a double double cross! brilliant!!!

Locke’s complicated lies were this new man’s simple truth.

The truth was, Chains had trained them superbly for the task of relieving Camorr’s nobility of the burden of some of its accumulated wealth, but had perhaps neglected to discuss the possible uses of the sums involved. Other than financing further theft, the Gentlemen Bastards really had no idea what they were eventually going to do with it all.

“Chains used to claim that there’s no freedom quite like the freedom of being constantly underestimated,” said Locke.

The more in control the mark thinks they are, the more easily they respond to real control.

“What’s the task?” “A straightforward beguilement,” said the Gray King. “I want you to become me.”

“When you don’t know everything you could know, it’s a fine time to shut your fucking noisemaker and be polite.”

‘Lamora’ is obviously not your given name; it’s Throne Therin for ‘shadow.’

‘No way out’ is for other people, not for the Gentlemen Bastards. I don’t like being trapped.”

THE FIVE Towers loomed over Camorr like the upstretched hand of a god; five irregular, soaring, Elderglass cylinders, dotted with turrets and spires and walkways and much curious evidence that the creatures that had designed them did not quite share the aesthetic sense of the humans who’d appropriated them.

“You’re all liars,” said Locke as their eyes turned expectantly to him. “We’re only doing this because nobody else in Camorr is good enough to pull this off, and nobody else is dumb enough to get stuck doing it in the first place.”

It was strange, how readily authority could be conjured with nothing but a bit of strutting jackassery.

“You won’t be sorry, Lukas,” said Doña Sofia. “I’m sure we’ll all think back very fondly on the feast when we begin our voyage.”

ah but he WILL be sorry, IT'S A TRAP!!!!

a great many wonderful and surprising things come out of our casks. We pride ourselves on always giving satisfaction—on always delivering full value for value received. Like for like, if you take my meaning.”

right in your eye, Grey King

“But what the fuck,” he said slowly, “ever gave you the idea that Locke was the first name I was actually born with?”

“I cut off his fingers to get him to talk, and when he’d confessed everything I wanted to hear, I had his fucking tongue cut out, and the stump cauterized.” Everyone in the room stared at him. “I called him an asshole, too,” said Locke. “He didn’t like that.”

“Oh, shit,” said Locke, swallowing a lump in his throat. Make this good, he thought. Make this very good. “Doña Vorchenza, this isn’t over.”

What are you planning you marvellous bastard?!

“I’m a sworn brother of the Nameless Thirteenth, the Crooked Warden, the Benefactor,” said Locke. “I’m a priest. I didn’t save the people in this tower just to see my entire city die. For propriety’s sake, Doña Vorchenza, for propriety’s sake—sink that gods-damned ship. I beg you.”

Then you and Jean swim down and scoop up the coins...brilliance Haha I was WAY off on this, I honestly forgot about the death-offerings and the SHARKS lmao

“Oh, gods. Anatolius killed three of his friends. So don’t you see? There was no danger on that ship; he didn’t want it sunk to save Camorr. It was a death-offering, Stephen, a death-offering.”