Wanted

by Lauren Biel

It would be a while before I felt like the person I was before the drugs, but part of me wasn’t sure I wanted to be that person again. I didn’t know if the devil still remained in my mind or if he left to find someone else desperate enough to let him inside.

It would be absolutely fucking insane to fall for the damsel I put in distress.

I would have deserved every bit of pain before the devil welcomed me into hell. But her? She didn’t deserve that fate.

She knew all of this was wrong. I knew it was wrong. But fuck if it didn’t feel like the rightest goddamn thing in the world. It felt right among all the wrong that we were hiding from.

She was a new addiction, and I'd do more than murder to satiate the craving.

“And I’m sorry I don’t feel worse about it, because you feel like home. You feel safe.”

“No one has ever wanted me so badly. Needed to have me.”

“I’m what’s wrong, but what I do to you is right, little girl. You fight me because you hate that you feel something for me. It disgusts you. I disgust you. But there’s something inside you that doesn’t hate me. You want me to take you because if you give yourself to me, you’re betraying all that you believe. Your morals say you shouldn't welcome a man like me inside you. That a guy like me is unsafe. Dangerous. And it’s fucking true.”

I would still end up on my knees in front of the devil one day, but it eased some of the guilt I held on to.

She was the one thing I didn’t regret about all the horrible things I’d done. In a world of darkness, she was fucking light.

I fell asleep with her, which I had tried my damndest not to do. Waking up beside her, like we were some normal couple, was heavenly. But this wasn’t heaven. It was purgatory, and I was on my way to hell.

Fuck, her pain hurt me.

She had no idea just how much she changed my life. I’d never get past what I’d done before her, but I had to focus on what was ahead of me instead of behind. I wished it could be with her. I would have given almost anything for the situation to be different, that we’d met in some other life or some other time besides my lowest point when my world imploded. I couldn’t stay and have her clean up the aftermath any longer.

I fell in love with her.

I loved her, but I couldn’t love her.

Goodbyes like that hurt. They killed.

I had a purpose again, having been without one for quite some time.

I loved her, and I made sure she knew it.

I only knew that she was the single most important thing in my life. My savior. And I’d do anything to keep her happy.

I’d never have guessed that an act done during the lowest moment of my life would take me to heaven instead of hell and make an angel fall in love with a demon. Or awaken a beast that played so well with hers.