Fragile Sanctuary (Sparrow Falls, #1)

by Catherine Cowles

My gaze caught on a massive flower bed. It was once a riot of color, full of penstemons, iris, and yarrow. Now, it was all just…dead. Like my mom. My dad. Emilia. And me, in a way. The me I’d been then had died right along with them, thanks to old wiring in an even older house. A home that had been so full of life and love once but had been left half-burned for the past fourteen years.

My aunt had come immediately, of course, but when she found out she wouldn’t have access to the trust my parents had left behind, she suddenly didn’t have the energy and resources to take care of a thirteen-year-old.

“The only thing they would want is for you to be happy.” My throat burned as it worked to hold back a sob. “I know. But sometimes being happy feels like the worst betrayal of all.”

“Cleanin’ up after a dead body?” I didn’t laugh. Didn’t respond at all. A few years ago, I would’ve bantered with her, charmed her. Not now. It all felt like a waste of time and energy. Neither of which I had. The clerk’s cheeks flushed, and she ducked her head, hitting keys on her register. I was an asshole. But an asshole was better than the alternative. Better than caring. About anything or anyone. Caring was a recipe for nothing but agony.

Happiness was the greatest torture of all because it could all be taken away—and it was so much worse than if you’d never experienced it at all.

Only the last section of each book remained dusted with black flecks from the fire. Because as frequently as I revisited each one, I couldn’t seem to force myself to make it to the end. Of any of them. Something about the endings was too painful, too final, even if they were happy.

“You’re right.” Fallon scrambled up after me. “I’m always right, but why am I slightly terrified of the gleam in your eyes right now?” “I’m just going to invite the man to dinner,” I said simply. She swallowed hard as she glanced from him to me and back again. “He seems like he’s pretty busy right now.” “It’ll take two minutes.” “I’m just going to wait here because I’m having secondhand anxiety.”

I stared at him as if he were an entirely different human than anyone I’d met before. “What was that?” Anson just stared at me, not answering. “You’ve been nothing but a grumpy asshole since I met you. But with him…” “Don’t do people. Love dogs.” And with that, he stalked back to the main site and his crew.

“You shouldn’t hide a damned thing, Reckless. Especially not something that proves how strong you are.”

“You need to go inside and eat. Think you can stay upright long enough to do that?” Instead of being annoyed with me, Rhodes just smiled. It was far too wide for the situation. “What are you doing?” “You like me.” My whole body stiffened. “I do not.” Rhodes’ smile only widened more, making the gold in her eyes spark and swirl. “Do, too.” “What are you, five?” I snapped. She laughed, and the sound hit me somewhere in the vicinity of my chest, digging in and spreading through me.

“You don’t know me,” I croaked. Something passed over Rhodes’ expression. “No, I don’t. But I’d like to. Because I think you could use a friend.” Friend. The urge to scoff was so strong. Friends wasn’t something I could be with Rhodes. For many reasons. A friend didn’t think about shoving the other against a wall and driving into them so hard they couldn’t breathe. A friend didn’t imagine wrapping the other’s hair around his fist as he fucked her mouth. A friend didn’t picture what the other would look like sprawled across his sheets while he ate her until she screamed.

“What happens if you snap?” she whispered. “I fuck you so hard you’ll feel me for weeks. I’ll ruin you, Reckless. You think I can’t taint you with my pain and the darkness that lives inside me, but you’re wrong.” Defiance swept into those witch eyes. “One.” She licked her lips. “Two.” “What the hell are you doing?” I snarled. “Counting down to the snap,” Rho challenged. “Three.” Everything about her set my blood on fire, from her strength to her beauty to her fearlessness. “Four…” she goaded, slipping one strap of her tank top down. “Five.” The other fell free. “Fuck it.”

My fingers teased her through the cotton. “Aching?” She let out a little growl of frustration. “Ask. Ask me to make you come. Beg.” Another flash of gold—that defiance I loved so much. “Or I could go back to my bedroom, get the toy from my nightstand, and finish the job myself if you’re not up to the task.”

“Get dressed, Reckless.” Then Anson licked clean the fingers that had just been inside me. I gaped at him. “You didn’t.”

“You’re gonna pay for this, Reckless. I’m going to tease you until you’re begging, pleading. And then maybe, if you’re really good, I’ll fuck you senseless.”

“Can’t handle being away from you,” he croaked. “Especially not when you’re hurting.” He swallowed hard. “I didn’t want to care about anyone. But you shot that all to hell.” My heart hammered against my ribs, butterfly wings dying to break free. A muscle fluttered in Anson’s cheek. “You didn’t sneak past my defenses, you bulldozed them. Reckless to the bone. And maybe you made me brave enough to be reckless, too.”

“I wanted to climb into the grave with her.” “I know,” Rho whispered. “But she wouldn’t want that.” “No,” I croaked. “She wouldn’t.” Rho bent, lowering herself slowly until her lips were just a breath away from mine. “So, live.” And for the first time in two years, she made me want to.

“Your beauty scalds, Reckless. Anyone who’s ever had the pleasure of looking at you will never be the same.”

“You are not bailing on me.” “Rho,” I croaked. “You try and bolt, and I’ll hunt your ass down.” My lips tried to twitch, but they couldn’t quite get there. “I worked for the FBI. I think I could evade you.” Rho arched a brow. “You don’t know my skills. I found out my college roommate’s boyfriend was cheating on her five states away with nothing more than a first name and the color of his car.” This time, my mouth succeeded at curving.

Davis’s chest rose and fell in quick, angry pants. “We were in a relationship, and you jump into bed with the first moron behemoth to crook his finger at you? I should’ve known you were nothing but a cheap slut.” I reeled back as if he’d struck me. “What. Did. You. Just. Call. Her?” Anson growled. Davis whirled on him, his face paling. “I called her what she clearly is.” Anson prowled toward him, his panther-like grace in full effect. “I warned you to stay clear of her. And now you show back up and insult her at her own home? I don’t think you’re learning, Davy.” “M-my name is Davis.” “No. Davis is a man’s name. But you aren’t a man, are you?” Anson challenged.

“Is that the first time you’ve been rejected?” Shep turned his glare from the road to me. “No. Abbie James dumped me for Robbie Allen in third grade.” I only laughed harder, to the point where tears filled my eyes. “Who is she? I think I want to buy her a drink.”

Tried to set him up, get him riled up that you were in danger and sent him poking around your house. Thought maybe the profiler would kill him the other night. But he can’t do anything right, can he?”

“My house. My family.” Silas stormed toward me, moving so fast I didn’t have a prayer. His hand wrapped around my neck, squeezing. “Don’t you cry for them! They didn’t love you. Your parents let you go to that party where Felix felt you up in the closet. They let you be a dirty whore.” The tears only came faster; I didn’t have a prayer of stopping them. Mom. Dad. Emilia. They were dead because some sicko had been obsessed with me. Dead because of me.

Then I saw him. Silas had fallen awkwardly. His legs were sprawled in a way I knew meant broken bones, and his neck rested at an unnatural angle. His eyes were open wide but completely unseeing. Gone. The Hangman, the demon who’d haunted me, the one who had stolen my sister’s life, was no more. But I felt no relief, had no time to take that in and let it land.

my gaze locked on the wallpaper. My eyes burned as I took it in. The fairies with shimmery wings. The same pattern my mom had picked out so many years ago. “How?” I croaked. When we’d tried to find it, the manufacturer had told us it was out of stock. Anson’s deep voice cut through the quiet space. “I got a list of stores that carried the brand from the manufacturer and started calling. A place in Ohio had it. Ordered everything they had left.” My gaze moved to him. He wasn’t in dirty work clothes. He’d showered and wore a flannel shirt with…strands of pink in the patchwork of threads. “How many stores did you call?” I whispered. “Three hundred and thirteen.”