A Dark and Secret Magic

by Wallis Kinney

These days, the emptiness of the manor casts a surreal shadow on my childhood. Every day that passes, those younger years slip further away, never to return. And yet, the building that witnessed all those moments still stands, my memories echoing within its walls.

Her husband passed away a few years ago, and Margaret is at an age where past and present are starting to merge in her memory.

“Sage for wisdom. Dried rose petals for love. Thyme, parsley, oregano.

“Invite me in and I’ll tell you.” He smirks again. My eyes narrow at the smug look. “I think not,” I say firmly. The ghost of my twenty-year-old self smiles in satisfaction as I shut the door in his surprised face.

Initial surprise morphs into astonishment, which in turn becomes appreciative curiosity. And still, beneath all that, there are echoes of sadness in his eyes. The edges of my grief must have spilled over into the dish as I cooked it.

He is the glaring anomaly in my perfect home, a mess I can’t wipe away with my rag.

In my practice, life surrounds me, vibrant and thriving. Death is emptiness and heaviness all at once.

Nutmeg, allspice, bay, cinnamon, vanilla, and black tea leaves. With each new addition, I imagine the wooden floors and walls of the house absorbing the aroma of fall and welcoming in the changing energy of the new year.

“Kate! Kate, can you hear me?” Matthew’s panicked voice fills my ears. His face is close to mine as I am pulled off the forest floor and into his arms. The relief that fills my body is the sweetest, most intoxicating high. A hand caresses my head, my cheek. He repeats himself. “Can you hear me?”

I am locked and bound with threads I can’t untangle.

A black sky with a constellation of stars in the shape of an embracing couple: the Lovers. My eyes flash to Matthew, who is already looking at me. He averts his gaze and pretends to study the card as Celeste giggles and Miranda lets out an annoyed tut.

My heart swells with so much love for him I almost have no more room in my lungs to draw breath.

I kiss him fiercely, the grief and horror of the previous night exorcized by the feeling of his lips on mine. He wrenches me closer, deepening the kiss. And it’s like finally coming home after being lost for days on end.

“To tell you I love you more than life would be a heretical understatement,” he whispers.