Catch the Sun

by Jennifer Hartmann

To those who have weathered life’s harshest storms and sought its silver linings, And to those still seeking their sun, This one’s for you.

“The nicest thing about the rain is that it always stops. Eventually.” —Eeyore

“If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together, keep me in your heart. I’ll stay there forever.”

“Yeah. It’s bright like the sun,” he says, glancing skyward. “And the sun is bright like you.”

Love conquers your common sense, your good reasoning, your sound logic.

Love conquers your heart until it’s a mangled, stomped-on, barely beating organ. Love conquers your carefully assembled dreams and puts them in the hands of someone else. Love conquers. Consumes. Kills. In my opinion, love is life’s most skilled assassin. And that’s because it hides in plain sight, well versed in camouflage and deception. It wears the face of that one person you would die for on the front line as you bleed out in the dirt, whispering their name on your final breath.

McKay has no fucking concept of the fact that I’m doing all of this so he can live the life he wants me to live. He doesn’t realize that we both can’t have that life.

“That’s just a classless term for girls who wear their pain in their eyes.

Lots of people get thousands of peaceful moments and all I want is one.

The Arctic Monkeys’ best song, “Do I Wanna Know.”

Max flies up from the bench and hurls his drink in Andy’s face.

“Have some respect, you piece of shit.”

It’s a good day. I live for these good days.

Obnoxiously intriguing.

Why We Should Be Friends 1. I want to be. 2. I have a hunch you secretly want that, too. —Max P.S. Shouldn’t everything in life be that simple?

“Her brother had just murdered two people. I’d be crying, too.”

Kids our age are fucking sheep. Society is a cesspit.

The human race is on a downward spiral, and I’ll be damned if I contribute to the charade with a pitchfork mentality. If we’re all heading for the same cliff edge, I’d rather take the scenic route.

“I’m just trying to survive at this point.”

it feels like I’ve won it all.

Three Reasons You Should Always Swim to the Surface 1. Swimming is good exercise. It’s the reason my arms look so good. (Don’t deny it. I know you like my arms.) 2. The sun is above the surface. The sun suits you. 3. I’d miss you. —Max

It’s an orange crayon sticking out of a pot of dirt. I blink a thousand times before my eyes lift to his. “What is this?” “One day, maybe, it’ll grow into a carrot. I’m hopeful.”

“I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery—air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, ‘This is what it is to be happy.’”

“Your unwavering belief in me will be your downfall.” “There are worse ways to go.”

There aren’t many people I would care enough about to haunt in the afterlife. Ella Sunbury made the cut.

Or…maybe I have no walls. Not with her.

Sitting on this hard wooden chair without a shirt, bruised and battered, relying on this broken girl to fix me… I feel remarkably at peace.

“I’m really grateful for that.”

“What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.”

Anyway, I’m still protecting you. Even from hundreds of miles away. Even on death row.

Nose freckles? Doomed.

“I promise you, Ella Sunbury,” I lie through my teeth. “This is not a date.”

But love without forgiveness? That’s like a tree without roots; it can’t stand for long. It can never truly live.

Seize the warmth before it fades.

Happy birthday. I Googled the meaning of orange roses and I guess they symbolize energy, new beginnings, and good fortune. I also found this: “Orange flowers are a symbol of the sun and all things positive.” I thought they were perfect because the sun suits you. Flowers do, too. —Max PS: Get your dancing shoes on—we’re going to Knoxville.

“Halloween lasts until Christmas Eve around here,”

And every single one of them has been with him.

Nothing else exists. Just this song, this boy, and this look between us.

You’re my friend, Sunny Girl.”

My heart beats like a caged bird longing for the sky. Her words are a shot of sunlight to my veins.

“You’re a fucking ten.”

“I brought the brisket.”

“I mean what I said, honey. Romanticize your life. Don’t live every day like it’s your last. Live every day like it’s your first. Lasts are tragic. Firsts are exciting and full of celebration. Look at every sunrise like it’s the first time you’ve ever seen colors like that before. Listen to your favorite song like you’ve never heard such a precious melody. If you make every day a celebration, you’ll never get bored in your own story.”

“You rarely win, but sometimes you do.”

Ella makes this house finally feel like a home.

“It’s far away from me.”

“If money, time, and distance were off the table and you could do anything…what would you be doing right now?”

“I’d be kissing you, Ella.”

have all the room for you if this is where you want to be.”

“Your eyes,” I murmur, cupping his cheek with one hand. “They make me feel seen.”