Desire or Defense (Hooked on a Feeling, #1)

by Leah Brunner

The things he said to me when he wasn’t in his right mind, either drunk off his ass, or high. The things that seemed like truth to my eight-year-old self. You’re a bad kid. Your mother would’ve stayed if it wasn’t for you. If you weren’t here, we’d still be together, and I’d be happy. I push the thoughts deep down, rage rising in my chest. These are the things I don’t think about, the things I block from my mind and put at the bottom of my proverbial lock box.

“This is your life now, Andie, live it, and live it well,” I say to myself, thinking that’s probably what my mom would say to me at this moment.

“Often, when we face hardships, we feel angry. But anger is a surface-level emotion. Usually, it’s just covering up another, much deeper, emotion. We have to ask ourselves, what's happening deep down that’s causing us to feel angry?”

Mitch is all big shoulders and chiseled jawline where Noah is slight, his face still rounded in that youthful way. Not quite a man, not quite a child. Seeing the difference they make in each other amazes me. Like they both just needed someone who understood them.

“You, Mitch Anderson, are a good person. You are worthy of love, and worthy of happiness. And you should chase after it.”

I’m pretty sure I’m already in love with her, and I didn’t even think my heart knew how to work like that. But Andie made it beat again, made the blood pump again, made me see everything in a new light.

Because family looks different for everyone. Sometimes it’s not the family you’re born into, but the one you build. The one you work for. And this is mine.