On the Threshold of Hope: Opening the Door to Healing for Survivors of Sexual Abuse (AACC Counseling Library)

by Diane Langberg

we first try to figure out ways to think about what to say and also ways to stay safe.

First, you need to think of a safe place to write. Is it better for you to be home or outside or in a restaurant? Should someone be with you, or would you rather be alone? If you write at home,

should you have the television on or some music to periodically distract you from what you are doing?

begin some new patterns even now. One of those is learning to hear your own voice articulate what you prefer, what you fear, what alleviates those fears.

You will feel great ambivalence about telling your story. To speak the words leads back to

the story—the story you are trying to forget. To tell is to return to the horror. The horror results in the tremendous desire/need to deny. To fail to speak is awful. To speak is equally awful because the telling makes the story real.

What are some other parameters that survivors have found helpful? Daytime hours are usually better than nighttime hours. Specific time slots help contain the emotions that are stirred up. For example, “I will work on my story Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from four to five in the afternoon.”

You are pushing against something old and dark and big.

Change will come little by little.

He has given you voice. The Israelites, in speaking of their bondage to the Egyptians said, “We cried out to the Lord . . . and the Lord heard our voice and saw our misery, toil and oppression. So the Lord brought us out” (Deut. 26:7-8). David said, “The Lord has heard my weeping. The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer” (Ps.

It is very important to tell your story. It is just as important to write about the thoughts and

feelings you have after telling your story. How do you feel about yourself? How do you feel about the abuser? What are you afraid will happen to you? Do you feel relieved and afraid all at the same time? Have you done what you decided to do in order to take care of yourself? Take some time to write your responses in your notebook.

separate out your voice, the abuser’s voice, and God’s voice.

What is the voice of the Redeemer saying?

He says, “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them” (Eph. 5:11, emphasis added). To tell the truth is to listen to the voice of the Redeemer. He says, “I took up your griefs and carried your sorrows” (Isa. 53:4, author’s paraphrase). The voice of the Redeemer calls you to bring him your griefs and your sorrows. You do so when you tell your story. It’s important for you to listen to his words.

Sexual abuse does damage to the core of a person.

person—child or adult—is sexually exploited by an older or more powerful person for the satisfaction of the abuser’s needs.

Verbal sexual abuse can include sexual threats, sexual comments about the person’s body, lewd or suggestive comments, and inappropriate discussions.

Visual sexual abuse includes exposure to pornography, to any sexually provocative scene (such as viewing intercourse), to exhibitionism, or to voyeurism.

exposure of the victim’s body to others.

by age eighteen, one in four women and one in six men will have experienced some form of sexual abuse.

The average age of the child when abuse begins is between six and twelve.

the context in which the abuse happens and how others respond to the abuse seem to be very significant factors.

Abuse that occurred more frequently and is of longer duration is potentially more harmful.

One of the major ways victims of sexual abuse cope with what has happened is by denying it entirely or at least minimizing its impact.

The important thing is not what is a typical response to similar circumstances. The important thing is, What was it (is it) like for you? What did you experience? What impact did your experience have on you?

A trigger is anything that reminds you of the abuse.

Smells are often triggers. The smell of a certain cologne, sweat, semen, or a musty odor can bring up very vivid memories of what happened to you.

Triggers can be things you hear, things you see, a certain kind of touch, or particular locations. Anything that causes you to remember the abuse is a trigger.

A flashback is a kind of memory that is so powerful that it feels as if the present has faded away and you are actually back in the time

and place of th...

You can hear the sounds, smell the smells, and feel the touch. It can be terr...

Most survivors find that flashbacks lessen in frequency and intensity as they tell their story.

They often find it helpful and stabilizing to “follow my voice out.”

Her voice was not demanding or panicked. It was gentle and controlled.

nightmares seem to decrease in frequency and intensity as the memories are talked through with a trusted therapist.

There are various ways to dissociate.

don’t feel the physical sensations in your body.

from emotions so you don’t ha...

disconnect from reality to the point that you are no longer aware of wha...

God always answers a prayer for truth—even though it may take time—because it is his nature to reveal truth.

“Woe to those who draw sin along with cords of deceit, and wickedness as with cart ropes. . . . Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. . . . Woe to those who . . . deny justice to the innocent” (Isa. 5:18-23).

The most consistent and frightening feature of perpetrators, in the testimony of both victims and psychologists, is their seeming normality.

somewhere between neglecting and abusing the child on one hand and overprotecting and intruding on the child on the other.

they nurture and protect without intruding or suffocating.

An unhealthy family shows little to no respect or empathy for...

Teaching and nurturing are not present. Mistakes result in

ridicule, rejection, and harsh punishment.

Families in which abuse occurs often have multiple problems.

Families in which abuse occurs are often rigid in their relational patterns.