Merry in Moose Falls (Moose Falls, #1)

by Emily Silver

To everyone that needs a little holiday cheer…this one is for you

Brooks and I have known each other since third grade when his family moved to town. And I’ve been in love with him since sixth grade when I realized what my feelings meant.

When he told me he was planning on proposing, I congratulated him and then went home to cry. I knew I’d never have him, but it didn’t make the pain any easier. If only I could find someone. Maybe that would help ease the sting I’m feeling

I recall him saying something like this to me when he first told me about her. When you know, you know. I know the feeling. It hit me when I knew Brooks was the one for me.

Clapping brings me back to reality. Being in love with your straight best friend? The worst.

I always had you at my side. Trying out for the soccer team and failing. Stuttering my way through speech team. Wherever I was, there you were. We were inseparable. The best times of my life always involved you.” He’s grinning up at me, pride and love shining in his hazel eyes. They’re framed by the expert coif of his auburn hair, and my stomach clenches as I realize I prefer the shaggy mess of his hair to this perfect look today. Not love for me, mind you. I’ve dreamed of those eyes looking at me like that for years. But it will never happen. I have to push down the feelings I have for Brooks and finish this speech.

I’m done. All my best man duties are finally done. I can drown my sorrows in the good stuff at the bar and then start the hard work tomorrow. The hard work of trying not to be in love with my best friend.

Brooks stands, pulling me into his strong arms. “I love you, Charlie. Thank you for standing by my side today. You’re my best friend.” “There’s nowhere else I’d be. I love you, Brooks.” I hate the way my entire body tenses along with the goose bumps that break out on my skin despite the heat. If only he loved me the way I love him. Being in love with your best friend is the worst.

I wrap Charlie in a warm hug. “This is why you’re my best friend.” His breath ghosts my ear as he returns the hug. It’s just what I needed right about now. With everything in my life spiraling out of control, it’s nice to know I can depend on one person. My best friend. My Charlie. As long as I have him in my life, I’ll have everything I need.

Hunter reaches across the table and drops his hand on my arm. “Look, I’m only saying this because you’re my friend, Charlie. You’re in love with him. I know he’s your best friend, but this is a bad idea. Just because it’s Christmas doesn’t mean Brooks is going to magically fall in love with you.” “I know that, Hunter,” I scoff. “It will be fine.” “Famous last words.”

Brooks steps into the small foyer, a kitchen towel thrown over his shoulder. He’s dressed in a pair of black sweats and a sweatshirt. With his feet bare, he’s made himself at home. And it has my heart catching in my chest.

“It’s why I love you so much, Charlie. Always thinking of others.” I roll my eyes at him to mask the pain that he doesn’t mean those words. Well, he loves me as his best friend, but he’s not in love with me.

Brooks pulls me into a hug, and it has me melting into a puddle. It’s quick. A thank you of sorts. I start spiraling. The pine scent of his body wash lingers with his laundry detergent. I can feel the hard muscles of his back under the soft cotton of his hoodie. Fuck. I’ve always been able to keep my feelings for Brooks in check. Home was my safe space. Sure, Brooks was always over here, but he always went home to his wife. Now? Now, he’ll be here all the time. Twenty-four seven. I don’t know if I’m ready for that. If I’m ready for the full-on Brooks assault on all of my senses. Maybe this was a bad idea.

Brooks winks at me, and it does funny things to my insides. “I’ll guard our tree with my life.” Our tree. Fuck. I hate this. I really do. It’s easy to see how this could be our life together. Picking out Christmas trees together. Cozying up in front of the fire with Comet. Getting wrapped up in bed together. But it’s not. This is not real life. It’s only a fantasy until Brooks can get his own place and find some stability in his life. I need to pop this bubble before I get too swept up in it.

I squeeze Brooks a little tighter, savoring this moment. I know Brooks will eventually move on. It doesn’t mean I can’t make the most of the time we have together. I’ll give Brooks the perfect holiday he deserves if it’s the last thing I do. Then move on. Even if I might break my own heart in the process.

Snow sticks to Charlie’s hair and pink blossoms on his cheeks. His brown eyes are happy. Why am I noticing these things about him? Ever since we decorated the tree, it seems a switch has been flipped. When he touched my abs, it’s like a zap of electricity flooded my veins. Charlie was playing around. I know that. But it addled my brain more than I care to admit. Maybe it’s because I’m in a weird limbo right now. Living with my best friend while I try to get back on my feet. Trying to recover from the divorce. That has to be it. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.

I wave him off, ignoring the way my eyes dart down to his stomach. Again, why am I noticing these things?

Looking at the screen, it’s the two of us in a nutshell. A smile lights up my face as Charlie is caught mid-word, with Comet’s chin taking up most of the picture. I’ll never delete this one, but I take a second one where we’re all looking. “Better?” I hold my phone out to Charlie. He studies the photo, a look washing over his face that I can’t quite read. Which is weird, because I can always read him. What’s he thinking right now? Is he happy? Sad? Over this ridiculous thing? It’s confusing that I can’t read him right now. Made even more confusing by these feelings I’m having. It’s like one of these tiny, glittery balls has dislodged itself and planted itself in my brain, the fuzzy parts making my own head feel the same way.

To say my world has been completely rocked tonight isn’t an understatement. Brooks and Asher? Because of course now I remember his name. Asher with his perfectly coifed hair and solid muscles. That polo he always wore with the popped collar and perfectly pressed jeans. Of course that is the kind of guy Brooks would be into. Not scrawny ol’ me with my skinny jeans and old band T-shirts. Well, now my mostly plaid shirts and Tinsel Tavern black tee.

“What was the point of that? Were you trying to make me feel like shit?” Hunter throws up his hands in defense. “I didn’t actually think it would⁠—” “Would what?” I cut him off. “Prove once and for all that Brooks isn’t into men, or that he’s just not into me?” “Charlie.” Could this night get any worse? “Just leave me alone.” Hunter at least has the gall to look chagrined. “I’m sorry, Charlie. I didn’t know this would happen.” “That you’d break my heart because after all this time it turns out being in love with my best friend is never going to amount to anything because he just wasn’t into me?” “Uhh, guys?” That voice. Oh, fuck me. Brooks. I guess this night could get worse.

“We have to talk about this.” Charlie shakes me off. “No, we don’t.” “Charlie—” He’s inside before I can argue with him. Charlie’s been in love with me? Since when? I scrub a hand down my face and watch the snow fall in the street lamps. My mind is spinning. How in the world did I not know this?

I never once got the impression that he loved me, but was I just oblivious? At least, until last week when I started feeling new things for him. Why in the hell is all of this coming to the surface now of all times?

What the hell am I going to do? I don’t know, but everything has changed. I only hope Charlie and I can figure this out. Because I’m not ready to lose him.

if I want to have this conversation, I guess I’m going to have to track him down and force him to have it. I’ve gone over this in my head a million different ways since he walked away from me. The pain in his eyes has haunted me. Fuck. It has me rubbing the heel of my hand over my heart. The very last thing in the world that I want to do is hurt Charlie. He’s the best person I know. My favorite person in the world. I can’t lose him. And I don’t want to let this fester any longer. Hearing his confession is only adding to my own confused feelings. Maybe if he would talk to me, I’d know what he’s feeling. Then I could tell him what’s going on inside of me. Because these last few weeks have been nothing short of confusing.

Charlie knows everything about me. It’s why he’s been my best friend my entire life. I watch as he grabs a pint glass and pulls the light amber liquid. I’m noticing things about him now that I’ve never noticed before. The way his biceps move when he draws the tap toward him. The happy smile on his face when a regular calls out to him. It’s everything that makes him my Charlie.

Whatever the guy says has Charlie throwing his head back in laughter before resting his hand on his forearm. Even from here, I can see how Charlie’s fingers brush over his skin. It pulls the guy’s attention to that spot. I have no idea who the man he’s talking with is. Well, flirting. Based on how Charlie is reacting, they are definitely flirting. What. The. Fuck. A growl bursts out of my chest. I can’t get Charlie to talk to me for two minutes—his best friend that he’s known his entire life—and he’s paying attention to this fool? And why do I want to be that guy?

The two of them are moving to the music together, rocking their hips into one another. Charlie’s hands slip into the guy’s back pockets as they keep dancing. A burning fire erupts in my gut. I swallow down the rest of my beer to cool myself off because I have no idea why I’m feeling this way watching Charlie dance with some stranger.

It’s like my thoughts are a beacon to Charlie as his gaze meets mine. His brown eyes are filled with lust, and it sends a new feeling floating through me. One that I’ve only ever felt for one other guy. But now I’m feeling those things for Charlie. My best friend. Desire. Lust. Passion. I want to be the one out there with him. I want to be the one making him look like that. Charlie’s tongue darts out, wetting his bottom lip. It’s about all I can take. I’m going crazy being here and can’t watch this for another minute. Not with the way my thoughts are all jumbled up in my head.

“What’s your problem tonight?” For once, I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want to have this conversation. “My problem?” I turn to face him. His cheeks are pink from dancing and sweat lines his brow. Why am I noticing these things about him now? “Yes. You show up at the bar demanding to talk and then leave when I start dancing with someone.” “Because…” “Because why, Brooks?” Charlie crosses his arms in defense. “Fuck.” I scrub a hand down my face. This isn’t how I planned on this night going. On feeling new and different things for Charlie. My Charlie. How can watching him dance with one person elicit all these new emotions? Have they always been there, but I never actually let myself feel them? I need time to think. Time to clear my head to figure out what all this means. Maybe that’s what Charlie has been doing all week.

“Do you want to know that I’ve been in love with you since I realized I was gay? How hard it was to have to hide that all this time because I knew you were straight, only to realize the other night that might not be entirely true?” “Charlie—” He doesn’t stop. Doesn’t take a breath. “I’ve buried my feelings for you for years and I was fine with it. Because you were my best friend and I’d rather have you as my friend than not have you at all. But to realize that you might not be straight but that you just aren’t into me? It’s something I’m trying to come to terms with. It feels like my heart is shattered all over the floor.”

I take a step closer to him, not quite sure what I’m doing. All I know is all common sense has left my head. Because ever since I stepped foot into the Tinsel Tavern tonight, I’ve been off. “Brooks.” Charlie’s voice has gone soft. It’s barely a whisper, but it has me closing the distance between the two of us. The pain here is something I can’t take. I can’t take the thought of hurting my best friend. But with everything swirling in my head the last week, I act without thinking. In for a penny, in for a pound, I guess. I kiss him.

Holy shit. Brooks is kissing me. Me. Charlie. I’m stunned. Brooks’s lips are warm and sweet, and when his hands cup my cheeks, it shocks me into moving.

Brooks and I have been spiraling this week. I know it. He knows it. It has me fighting a smile because he came to the bar tonight because I was avoiding him. I didn’t know how to be around him after he heard that confession. And now, I just spewed word vomit all over him of everything that I’ve been feeling this week.

I grab him and lay one on him. I swallow his shock as he gasps. It takes him a minute to respond, but when his tongue slides against my lips, I react. Brooks is kissing me back. We’re kissing. Again. It’s even better than the first one as his tongue tangles with mine. Oh God. I never wanted to imagine what it would be like to kiss Brooks. It wouldn’t have done me or my fantasies any good. But this? It’s better than anything I ever could have hoped to imagine.

When Brooks’s warm hands drift lower, pulling me into his chest, I whimper. It’s perfect. Everything from his taste to his warm touch to how his pine scent floods my senses. It’s overwhelming in the best way. I don’t know how long we stand outside kissing. I could stand here for the rest of my life and it wouldn’t be long enough.

Kissing definitely wasn’t on the agenda.” I smirk at him. “Do you want it to be on the agenda?” Brooks nods against me. “Yes. But I’d prefer it if we maybe didn’t do it in the middle of the street.” “I wish I didn’t have to go back to work.” “You’re not going to go back to dancing with that guy, are you?” “Why? Were you jealous?” “I didn’t like him touching you,” Brooks growls.

My mind is swirling over how good it feels to kiss him. I dig my fingers into the soft strands of hair at the nape of his neck. Licking. Sucking. Drinking my fill of the person I never thought I would get to have.

I want to keep doing it.” “You do?” I don’t want to hope for too much. I don’t know if my heart could take the letdown because Brooks really isn’t in the place to be starting something. “Yeah. I mean, you might have to go slow with me.” “As slow as you need.” Brooks laughs. “I mean, not that slow. I’d like to keep doing the kissing.” “The kissing?” I press my lips to the corner of his mouth. “Only the kissing?” Resting his hands on my thighs, Brooks squeezes them. “I could be down for more.”

I lean over him and press a warm kiss to his cold lips. They fit perfectly in mine. Like Brooks’s mouth was made for kissing me and only me. “What was that for?” he whispers, breath hot against my own mouth. I smile down at him. “Because I can.” “I like that you can.”

There’s a buzzing of energy between the two of us. Something that is new and different. This time, when Brooks pulls back, I see the blatant need in his eyes. It’s how I feel around him all the time. I can no longer resist this man.

“You said something about getting off fast?” I nip at his jaw. “I’d prefer it if we got off slowly.” “Then let’s get home fast so we can take it as slow as we want. Preferably several times.” Brooks’s answering smile is all I need to light the fire under my ass. I can’t wait to take this slow with him.

don’t know if I’ve ever been so on edge in my life. I like sex. I always have. It was always fun with the guys I dated. But now, as I’m standing in my room waiting for Brooks to let Comet out, I don’t know if I can contain the naked desire that is coursing through me. Desire for Brooks. Because after years of wanting, yearning for this man, he will finally be in my bed.

I nibble my way down his jaw. Brooks’s cock is already hard against my leg as I smile into his neck. Because I’m making him feel that way. Me. Charlie. It’s like every star I ever wished upon—where Brooks and I were together in some alternate universe—is exploding and making this happen.

Warm hands drift down my skin. Brooks’s eyes stay locked on his hands, as if he can’t believe he’s touching me like this. That makes two of us.

“I’ll let you practice on me if you want.” Based on his reaction, Brooks likes that idea. “I want to.” “Not right now though.” I push Brooks back down as he tries to sit up. “Why not?” “I like being on my knees too much for you.”

“I like feeling you like this. Seeing how much you want me.” I shake my head. “No. Need you.” Brooks rolls his hand over the head of my dick and smooths the wetness down my hard length. “So needy for me, Charlie.” The way he says my name drives me wild. Like he can’t believe he’s here with me either. That we’re actually doing this. I can’t wait another minute.

Right now, everything is perfect. So fucking perfect, it has my heart swelling in my chest. Except… I’m wrecked. There is no one else that will ever compare to him. Brooks has always owned my heart. Now he owns my body too. He’s imprinted himself on me in a way that will never be undone. So much for taking this slow.

I kiss him. Warm and sweet. I’m learning it’s one of my new favorite things. I never knew how much I could like kissing. But with Charlie? I fucking love it. I’m addicted to it.

“I already know how much you like me.” “Oh yeah?” “Yeah.” “And how do you know this?” “I just do.” The grin on Charlie’s face is smug. Like he doesn’t need to tell me how much I do like him. Because I do. We only just started this thing, but what I’m feeling for Charlie is new and different from anything I’ve felt before.

We’re happy just to be together. Whether it’s at home or out doing something together, there’s no pressure. Or him letting me do a lap while he’s taking a break on the edge of the ice. It’s refreshing. And it has me feeling things I haven’t felt in years. Considering where I am in my life, it should scare me. But it doesn’t.