Bunny (Bunny, #1)

by Mona Awad

“You want agency, period. Control.” “Over your art.” “Over your life, Bunny.” “All aspects of your life—​physical, emotional, mental, spiritual . . . even—” “You want to fuck, not be fucked,” Victoria says.

Whaata

“Samantha,” Eleanor intones, “is this making sense?”

No.

god, my— “Everyone,” Cupcake announces, “this is Odysseus.” “Hello,” the others murmur. I feel my own mouth moving too, exactly in sync with their shiny ones.

I watch him run shrieking past the rainbow under which I sit screaming. And yet all that comes tumbling from my mouth is laughter. Laughter like a laughing brook, my waters sparkling in the sun. “Use the bucket, Bunny!”

I watch them all hug each other, covered in rabbit guts. Their pink bodies framed by my own rabbit eyes. It’s sweet, I think. They’re nice people.

Kira pats my back, the handle of the bloodied ax still in her little fist. “Welcome to Workshop, Bunny.”

We form a hot little circle of love and understanding. We press our faces into our faces, our cheeks against our cheeks, our eyelashes tickling our skins like little hummingbird wings, like Bunny nose twitches.

The way we sometimes groom each other at their lame parties by the light of their lame fires, while they roll and roll their eyes until only the whites show.

HUH?!

We can’t bring ourselves to brandish an ax just yet, Bunny knows that. We have nightmares every night as it is, Bunny knows that too. And who is there for us when we wake up? Bunny is.

What the hell. What the hell. What the hell.

Because we don’t want you to die, Bunny! We don’t want to live in a world without you! If you died, we would absolutely die too. Please eat, Bunny, please, please, please!

??????????

But honestly we’re afraid of that. Because what if this is Bunny’s gift, not ours?

Our mothers always said to look hard at the things of this world that are owies on the eyes because they will put more colors in your inner rainbow.

“You do realize you’re in a cult, don’t you? You’re in a fucking cult.”

She says she waved at me. Called my name. I didn’t turn around, even though she was sure I’d heard her. Then she screamed “Bunny,” for kicks, and I did turn around. We all did.

I used to go to bookstores but I can’t go in them anymore because I buy too many books. Last time I went into Ada books, I spent almost a hundred bucks.

“You’re out of the cult. Sorry :)”

Their cheeks are plump and pink and shining like they’ve been eating too much sugar, but actually it’s Gossip Glow, the flushed look that comes from throwing another woman under the bus.

“Samantha,” the Duchess says after a long pause, “we’d like you to lead Workshop tonight.” “We feel you’re ready, Bunny.” “In fact, we can’t wait to see what you’re capable of.”

“Bunny, what’s wrong?” “Bunny, are you crying?” “Bunny, don’t cry.” “I’m sorry, I just, I thought you were going to say something else, that’s all.”

“There don’t have to be words sometimes.” “You could text us a whale tomorrow afternoon and we’d be like, We know. We’d know exactly what it is you were feeling.”

That’s actually kinda cute

They’re much too big for a bunny, I think, but then I follow Vignette’s gaze to the bus shelter. The dark, hunched shape inside. A boy-​shaped shape. A boy. My heart starts to thump in my chest.

Nope, we cannot.

She still thinks like a Bunny lol

I text her where are you? Then erase it. did you really leave? Erase. im so sorry for everything i have not bin in my right—​Erase. I know i havent been the best Erase. i have been the shittiest Erase. Erase erase erase erase. Leave it be. Leave her be. You don’t deserve her.

Laughter is a rabbit hole and I’m falling, falling like Alice. There is no way up or out. The only way is down, down, down. The only way is to keep falling.

Give up, the dark says. Give up, give up, give up. Go away. Go away and be a bunny, Bunny. Hop, hop, hop along. Isn’t that what you wanted?

I said, Looks great, Love it, only to satisfy her. The truth is I saw nothing. The tall watery form of a stranger with a black cloud for hair. A woman blurred around the edges. The Dead.

I’m still screaming in my dreams, according to Ava. Odd things. About cupcakes. Twisted lips. About an ax.

But he’s her Bunny

Watching her Bunny kiss her best friend

Please be a Bunny again it was more eventful and fun to read

I watch him lick his knife with his very long tongue. I feel a lick of fear up the inside of my thigh. Both thighs.

He IS her Bunny

Bunny this isn’t funny. You’ve fucking disappeared. Bunny r u dead?? Did the gross apt where u liv kill u??? If ur not dead, pls text me! Hey! Where the fuck R U? S, haven’t seen you around campus of late. I’m concerned. We should reconnect. Soon.

Why does he have all their passwords wth

Genitals get impaled with pins. Hair gets chopped off with hacksaws, sometimes ripped from the root. Genders become fluid, orientations shift, white people suddenly discover other races in their lineage. And then, of course, some take it too far. One poor young man chopped off an ear.

That’s when I see the words EAT ME carved all over her chest and arms with a razor. The scars look fresh, blood barely congealed in the Ms and Es.

They all like Samantha but not each other

A pause so pregnant it delivers, consumes its own spawn, then grows big with child again.