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“No, I’ve never been here before. I’ve never felt like this about anyone. I’ve never lost myself, or wanted to lose myself like I want to lose myself in you. And I’ve never trusted a man, including my father. So if you break my heart, gangster, just know that you’ll be the first and last to do it. Nobody before you has ever been able to even scratch it, and nobody will be able to pick up the shattered pieces behind you if you leave.”
“I’ll never leave. Because you’re going to be my wife.” “Holy shit.” “Is that a yes?” “No.”
He opens the passenger door, settles me into the seat, buckles me in, and kisses me. Hard. Then he says gruffly, “Please don’t freeze me out. Be angry all you want, but don’t shut down on me. I need you right now. I won’t be able to think straight if you don’t communicate with me.”
“Tá tú mianach, cailín milis. Mianach.” He tucks his face into my neck and whispers my name like a prayer. I wonder how I ever thought I’d known happiness before.
“Declan?” “Aye?” “I don’t want you to die.” The hand rubbing my ass cheek stills, then slides down to my upper thigh and squeezes. He says quietly, “I can’t promise I won’t.”
“Tell me I can trust you with my life and mean it, and I’ll tell you if I’ve ever thought about quitting. And what would happen if I did.” I turn my face to the pillow and exhale the breath I’ve been holding. “Tell me I won’t have to choose between you and Nat and mean it, and I’ll say you can trust me with your life.”
She rolls over and gazes at me with clear eyes. Her voice is calm. “Do you want to know what saved me?” “What?” “Natalie. My best friend. My only friend. I wanted to kill myself so many times during those years. The only reason I didn’t is because of her. Over and over again, she saved my life. You know what else?” “I don’t know if I can take it.” “She never knew about the pregnancy. Except for the nurse who gave me the test at Planned Parenthood, no one knew. I was too ashamed. You’re the only living soul I’ve ever told. I want you to understand what that means.”
“She’ll never forgive me for this.” “Yeah, she will.” He sounds confident. I shoot him a querying look. He smiles. “No woman backs a man like she did you unless it’s true love, brother. Just give her some space when you get her home. She’ll get over it.” I mutter, “Enough with the ‘brother’ shite,” but what I’m really thinking about are the two words he said right before that one. One thing’s for sure. If she doesn’t love me, I’ll find out fast. The minute she buries a knife in my chest.
“Declan O’Donnell is one of our finest espionage agents.” I open my eyes to see a middle-aged man with shoe-polish-black hair in a navy blue pinstripe suit sitting across from me in one of the chairs. I didn’t hear him come in. Did I fall asleep? Or did he simply appear from thin air, like Dracula?
Panic grips me. I’m both hot and cold, frozen in place but shaking violently. My voice shakes, too, when I say, “He won’t believe it. He’s too smart for me to pull it off convincingly.” “I have the utmost confidence in your ability to be convincing. After all, Declan’s life is at stake.” He smiles. “And it does seem as though you’re quite taken with him, considering you’d rather starve to death alone in a shipping container than admit you’d ever met. I so admire that kind of loyalty. I know you’ll do well for us.”
“I’ll give you some time to get it sorted. Don’t take long, though. Best to rip off the Band-Aid quickly. I’ll be in touch once it’s done. And remember, we never spoke. Don’t try to get creative and tell him about this conversation in some silly way like writing him a note. I’ll know if you do.” Feeling sick, I say, “How would you know?” “The same way I know the name of the boy who pushed you down the steps of the quad in school when you were fourteen and made you miscarry. It’s my job. Welcome aboard, Miss Keller.” The door swings open and closed. He’s gone before he can see me vomit all over
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“Do you want to talk about this now? Do you need food? Should I let you rest?” “I’m not hungry. I am tired, though. And I think it might be best if we didn’t talk about it at all.” I say vehemently, “If they hurt you, I’ll kill every one of them.” She closes her eyes and inhales slowly. Then she turns her head to the windows and gently pulls her hand from mine. It feels like a kick to the chest. “Sloane. Baby. Please talk to me.”
Her voice rises. “They threatened my dad and my siblings. And Nat, Declan. They threatened Nat. I can’t risk their safety. And I won’t go through something like that again.” She stops to take a breath. “So I’m going to take you up on that promise you made that you’d let me leave if I asked you to.” The floor drops out from under me. My entire body goes cold. When I speak, my voice is rough with pain. “Just like that?”
On the table between the chairs is a book. The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran. One of the pages is dog-eared. When I turn to it, a single passage is highlighted. Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. My throat constricted, I whisper, “Me, too, gangster. Me, too.”
Then I raid the booze cabinet in the galley and get drunk on a five-hundred-dollar bottle of champagne, because I miss him already.
From behind me, Kage says, “Sounds to me like she’s talking about being in love.” We both look at him. Then we look at each other. Then Sloane says wearily, “Oh, fuck.” I shout, “Shut the front door! You’re in love with your kidnapper?” She makes a face. “I mean … maybe? How do you know if it’s really love?” Kage folds his arms over his chest. “It’s only love if you’re willing to die for him.”
sit there stunned. A lot has happened since she’s been gone. And, quite clearly, she’s been having sex with Declan. Emotional sex. The kind she never has. “Holy shit,” I say quietly. “You are in love with him.” After a thoughtful moment, she becomes completely calm. “Yes. How awful. Do you have any cyanide in the house, by chance? If this is what love feels like, I’d like to kill myself immediately.”
“Are you sure this is what you want?” “More sure than I’ve ever been of anything.” “Because the only time I talked to him, he was threatening to dump your mutilated body on our doorstep.” “He’s the only person I’ve ever met who’s more dramatic than me. But he’s actually a pussycat. I promise.”
We pull away without a shot being fired. I watch Nat and Kage receding in the side mirror and wonder how this tale of friends, lovers, and enemies will play out without one of us eventually getting hurt. Honestly, I don’t think it’s possible. In a story as twisted as ours, someone always dies in the end.
His voice rough with emotion, he says, “You own me, Sloane. Every corner of my worthless black soul. Every piece of my corrupt black heart. You own it all, and you always will. I’m your slave, not the other way around. Never forget it.”
Shuddering, he gasps my name. And it’s like a dam breaks inside me. A lifetime of built-up emotion just cracks through my ribs and blows me apart. I burst into tears. “Angel,” he says, panting and alarmed. “Baby, why are you crying?” I wail, “I’m crying because I love you!”
Gazing deep into my watering eyes, he says, “That’s the first bloody thing you’ve said that makes any sense.” Then he kisses me and tells me he loves me, too, and I cry even harder.
take a shot in the dark and guess at what it might be. “You were in love?” His lips curl. It’s a smile, but a bitter one. “If only it were that simple. No, what led me away from god is how my entire family was murdered, one by one, and no one was ever held accountable for it. None of their killers ever paid a price.” His voice drops. “Until I decided to make them pay. And pay they did.”
