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I stand, take her hand away from her face, and lean over her, gazing down into her worried eyes. “The baby will be fine,” I say with more conviction than I feel. “You’re young, strong, and healthy. You’re both going to be okay.” I don’t add Unless you die from that brain clot, because that would just be rude. She stares up at me, panicking, but managing to despise me nonetheless. “Declan, if it turns out that this kid that I’m not having has anything less than a genius IQ, I’ll kill you. And I don’t mean that figuratively.”
“Ah, I remember. Something slow and painful involving flesh-eating bacteria.” She nods. “So I could sit in a chair in the corner and watch as you’re consumed inch by inch over the course of days. No, weeks. Months.” She smiles. “In agony.” I chuckle. “You actually like that idea. What a little monster. And you look so sweet.” After an odd pause, her voice comes out tentative. “You think I look sweet?” “No. I think you look like a camel. You’re revolting.”
With one last glance at Sloane, I leave the room, nodding at the armed men in black suits Kieran has installed on either side of the door while I’ve been inside. I head out for a chat with Stavros. I wonder if Sloane would ever forgive me if I went back on my word and killed him. Only one way to find out.
And I hate it when you talk back to your inner voices like you’re a crazy person. WHAT ARE YOU FEELING? Aloud, I blurt, “Hurt.” As soon as I say it, I know it’s true. Then the disbelief comes. I’ve lost my mind. My feelings are hurt because my kidnapper left when he heard about the baby. The non-baby that I am definitely not having.
Blue eyes glittering, he licks his lips. When he bends toward me, I almost moan in relief. I need his mouth on mine like I need oxygen.
The entire time I’m having the CT scan done, all I can think about is Declan’s expression when he had his hand around my jaw. I’ve never seen a man look so hungry. Or so at war with himself.
realize my voice is too high. I also realize I’m shaking. I’m so angry, I’m about to explode. I’m being discarded. Without so much as a goodbye, Declan is discarding me.
I say softly, “You might want to verify the identity of the baby daddy the next time you decide to play matchmaker, gangster. See you around.” I turn and run away as fast as I can, telling myself as I get closer to where Stavros waits for me that the water in my eyes and the pain in my chest have everything to do with overwhelming relief and nothing at all to do with the man I’m leaving behind me.
On the drive to the private jet terminal at the airport, Stavros is silent, but he holds my hand. I let him. I think it’s because once the anger drained away, I was left numb. Numb is better than angry. Numb doesn’t demand answers. Numb is a welcome relief from too many intense emotions. Numb is my new best friend.
“Whatever it was, Kage will find out. And when he does, he’ll kill you.” “I don’t care. I saved you. That’s all that matters to me. That you’re safe.” My smile must look very sad, because Stavros’s brows draw together. I murmur, “Sweet boy. What makes you think I needed saving?” He says angrily, “He took you. He took you.” “I know what he did.”
Besides, Stavros is already distracted again by my feet. I slip off my shoe, stand, and hand it to him. Then I lock myself in the bathroom so I don’t have to listen to the sniffs and moans as Stavros jerks himself to release with his nose buried in my footwear.
“I’m sorry, which personality am I speaking to now? Because it’s definitely not the one who told me goodbye half an hour ago.” “Half an hour ago, I didn’t know you weren’t pregnant.” I pause for a moment. “You called the doctor?” “I called the doctor. I knew something was up when you said I was blind. And you don’t have nearly as good a poker face as you think.”
He’s horrified by the suggestion. “No! I can’t do that!” “You can, and you will. I’m not asking.” He gestures wildly toward the windows. “He’s an animal!” “Yes, but a reasonable one. Do I look hurt to you?” After a moment, he says reluctantly, “No.” “That’s because I know how to handle him.” He looks at me strangely. “I don’t think you do. I’ve never seen you like this.” “Like what?” “Emotional.” It unnerves me that he’s right.
“You don’t understand! He asked me all these questions about you. About us. He wanted to know everything. I think he’s obsessed with you!” “The only person he’s obsessed with is himself. Let me go.”
I pat his back, wondering where I’m going to find a girl who wants to play mommy to a grown man with a raging women’s shoe fetish and an addiction to livestreaming himself playing World of Warcraft in his underwear. Then I remember he’s super rich and know I’ll have plenty of takers.
“And why were you worried about me, hellcat? Tell the truth.” God, his voice is hot. And his body is hot. As are the air, my skin, and my panties. I’ve got a conflagration in my underpants that could turn the entire East Coast into a pile of smoking ashes. I say hoarsely, “Because I hate you, and I want to be there when you finally get shot through the heart by one of your enemies.” “But I already have, lass,” he murmurs, his lips moving against my skin. “I already have.” He pulls my head back and kisses me. And just like that, I’m gone.
He gazes down at me with a hard jaw and half-lidded eyes, working at the knot in his tie. “You need food. And a shower.” I take a moment to catch my breath. “That wasn’t what I was expecting you’d say.” “I’m going to bathe you. Then feed you. Then fuck you, in that order. No, close your mouth. No talking.”
Then he pulls the shirt off and stands there with it dangling from one hand as I struggle to draw another breath. The man is art. Hot-as-fuck, tattooed, muscular art. Had I known what he looked like under his tailored Armani suits, I might have been nicer to him sooner. I’m lucky I wasn’t standing up for this, because I’d definitely have melted into a puddle at his feet. “Are you drooling?” he says, his smile growing wider.
I’m the one who doesn’t fall. Who doesn’t feel. Who doesn’t get attached. Ever. To make matters worse, Declan sees me struggling. He lies on top of me, settles his weight between my spread legs, and cradles my head in his hands. Looking into my eyes, he says in a husky voice, “You’re safe with me. You can let your guard down. I’ll catch you if you need to fall.” That hurts like a knife plunged into my heart.
I turn my head, suck in a hard breath, and close my eyes. He puts his mouth near my ear and whispers, “You can’t hide from me. I see you. I see all the strange and wonderful things you are, little lion.”
My voice choked with emotion, I say, “I’m not little. And I’m not yours.” “Aye, you are, if only for tonight. We’ll deal with everything else in the morning.” He kisses me then, hard ...
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I strip. She watches me remove the rest of my clothing with a wild look in her eyes. The pulse in the side of her throat hammers. She looks like she might bolt any second. But she remains still and silent. Beautiful and bound. My brave hellcat Venus in chains. My dick is so hard for her. She looks at it with wide, greedy eyes. “Thank god.” “For what?” “Never mind.”
“Number two: total honesty. If I ask you if you like something I’m doing, I expect an honest answer. If you don’t like it, if you’re uncomfortable or unsure, tell me. This isn’t about me. It’s about us. It has to work for both of us, or it isn’t a turn-on for me. I don’t want to do anything you don’t like.”
She looks truly frightened now, the first time I’ve seen this from her. Kidnap her in a blaze of gunfire or tell her there’s a good chance she could die from a brain clot, no big deal. But ask her to open her heart, even for a night, and she reacts like a cornered wolf. I wrap my arms around her and hold her tight. “It’s the same for me. The exact same. That’s why you have my word I’ll earn that trust and never break it.” “You can’t promise that. You can’t say ‘never’ and mean it.”
She searches my face for any sign of dishonesty. “Trust, huh?” “Aye.” “And honesty?” “Aye.” “Okay. You go first. Do you really think I look like a camel?” “No. I think you look like Rockefeller Center at Christmas, Japan in cherry blossom season, and the thousand vivid shades of green in the wild moors of Northern Ireland, all rolled into one.”
roll her onto her back, take my jutting cock in one hand, and rub it up and down through her soaked folds. Looking into her eyes, I growl, “Who do you belong to?” “You.” It’s barely even a whisper, but I heard it. So did my cock. A surge of electricity shoots from my balls to the crown. I grab her hips and shove my dick deep inside her.
I know she’ll be able to walk away from this raging storm unscathed, but I doubt I’ll be so lucky. If I’m being honest with myself, I knew it from day one.
Declan rolls us back over, throws a heavy leg over both of mine, and kisses me so passionately, my mind goes blank for a moment. He pulls away, breathing raggedly. “Why aren’t you kissing me back?” “I’m trying to figure out what’s happening.” “What’s happening is that you’re breaking my bloody heart. Now fucking kiss me.”
He grasps my jaw and holds my head steady, then says gruffly into my ear, “What you just said is the best thing anyone has ever said to me. In my life. The bloody best thing. And I know I’ll be thinking about it for the rest of my days, long after you’ve forgotten me. You’re young and beautiful, and you’ve got dozens of men in your future who’ll fall madly in love with you—” “Hundreds. At least.” “—and I’ll be nothing but a distant memory for you. But I’ll still be trying to scrub your face and your taste and your sweet voice from my mind fifty years from now, because I already know nothing
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“One last nugget of honesty.” He groans. “I don’t know if I can take it.” “You’re stronger than you think. So here it is. I’ll never forget you. And I’ll never call any other man ‘sir.’ Even if someone asks me to—which they won’t, I’m much too terrifying—that word will always be reserved for you and only you. You’re welcome.”
He laughs. “We just made love, and you’re telling me I’m more than half-dead? And you accuse me of not being romantic.” Made love. Not fucked or had sex or any of the other less charming options. Made love. I won’t name this emotion. I doubt there’s a word for it, anyway.
“I think you and I are the same. I think we both have secrets, and those secrets made us who we are. I think that’s why this feels different to me. And why it’s so dangerous. So I’m going to say this with the full knowledge that it might sound ridiculous, but I want you to promise me that you won’t keep me here too long.” His voice gruff, Declan says, “Why not?” “Because you feel like quicksand to me, and I’m already sinking.”
“Then maybe you should let me go right now. It’s probably best for both of us.” Blue eyes glittering, he says in a throaty purr, “I’m not letting you go anywhere.” The way he’s looking at me makes my heart pound and my stomach clench. I feel trapped. Panicked. Gripped by a sudden and overwhelming urge to bolt, like a mouse that knows there’s a hungry cat creeping up behind it. So I do the only thing I can think of. I jump off the stool and run.
“Cat’s already out of the bag. You can’t hide from me anymore.” “I take it all back! I was lying!” That infuriates him. With a snarl that’s more than a little scary, he makes me look at him, his hand gripped around my jaw. “Bollocks. You were telling the truth, maybe for the first fucking time. Weren’t you?” When I don’t respond, he insists, “Weren’t you?” Shaking all over, I close my eyes and whisper, “Stop. Please. This was a mistake.” “No, lass, it wasn’t. I’m betting this is the first real thing either of us has had.”
“Promise me you’ll—” “Aye. I promise.” “You don’t know what I was going to ask.” “It doesn’t matter. Ask me for anything. To be careful with you, to be honest with you, to bring you someone’s head on a plate. I’ll say aye. You’re not the only one in chains here. Now open those pretty lips and let me feed you. You’ll need your energy. I’ll want to fuck you again soon.”
It’s not about tab A fits into slot B. It’s about who you are as a human. What turns you on. What you need. Everyone has a match. A fit. Yin to yang, light to darkness. It’s when we fight it and judge it that we run into problems.
Examining my expression, he sweeps his thumb over my lips. “Don’t hide. When I said you were safe with me, I meant it.” “Okay, but only if you don’t hide from me.” He caresses my face a moment longer. “The difference is, you haven’t said I’m safe with you. Which is good, because we both know I’m not.” “So this total trust thing only works one way? From me to you?” His brows pull together. “Do you want me to trust you?” “Could you?”
“If you gave yourself to me and meant it. If I knew you’d be loyal to me the way you are with your girlfriend, Natalie. Then aye. I could trust you. But if I did, it would be with everything, including my life. I don’t do half measures. I wouldn’t hold back. And there’s a lot of ugliness my trust would expose you to. There are many things you’d discover that might make you regret ever meeting me at all. “So before you ask for my trust, think carefully. Because if I give it to you, it means I’m yours. And you’re mine. For good. There’s never any getting out of that, even if you asked me to.
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Because up till now, you haven’t met a man who knew how to handle you. Who could see what you are behind that ivory tower you’ve built around your heart. But I see you. And I know you’re scared seven shades of shite to let me in. “I can’t convince you to. That’s a leap you have to make yourself. And I can promise you that it’ll be messy. You, me, what that would mean to everyone else … messy. But worth it, at least in my opinion. Because this half-dead gangster of yours has seen a lot in his time, but nothing as fine as this.”
When he leans down and kisses me tenderly, I realize exactly how much trouble I’m really in, and how right he was about the ivory tower I’ve built to keep my heart safe. A heart that’s safe would never ache with so much longing.
“Are you this worried about all your exes?” “No. Are you jealous?” “Not of him.” It sounds like he’s hedging the truth. “Of what, then?” After a long moment, he answers reluctantly. “He didn’t have to force you. You chose him.” I can tell he didn’t want to admit that, and it makes my heart ache that he did. I say gently, “You didn’t force me.” “I kidnapped you. I took you against your will.”
He murmurs, “‘Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls.’” “And ‘the most massive characters are seared with scars.’” His heavy exhalation sounds depressed. “Fuck.” “What’s wrong?” “You know Khalil Gibran.” “I love him. Have you read The Prophet?” “It’s only my favorite book.”
“If it makes you feel any better, you don’t make any sense for me, either. You’re too old and too grouchy and way too bossy. Plus, you’re right. Kidnapping is a terrible way to start a relationship. It’s completely fucked up. We’re totally doomed, I get it. But you know what else?” “No. What?” “I don’t care about any of that, because the way you look at me makes me feel like I could fly.”
but for right now, it’s on.” “It?” “Us.” “Just like that?” “Yeah. I just decided. That ivory tower–dark roads speech you made really resonated.
“But I do have a question.” “What’s that?” “If you’re not my captive, then what are you?” I think about it for a moment. “I don’t love labels, but if you need to call me something, you can just call me your queen.”
When I wake in the morning, I’m sore and starving. Declan is gone, but my period has arrived, staining the sheets beneath me red. Oddly, the bloody stain is in the shape of a heart. I hope that isn’t a bad omen.
When I’m close enough, he reaches out and grabs me, pulling me into a hard hug. He buries his face in my neck and inhales deeply. Standing on my toes with my arms wrapped around his shoulders, I whisper, “Thank you for the roses.” “You’re welcome.” “And the diamond bracelet. It’s crazy beautiful.” “Not as crazy beautiful as you. Why aren’t you wearing it?” “I thought you might like to be the one to put it on.”
He smooths his other hand over my heated bottom. He leans down and kisses my cheek, brushing my hair from my face, and says gruffly, “Who do you belong to?” “You.” “Who’s your master?” “You.” His voice softens. “And who thinks you’re the most precious angel in the world?” I swallow, suddenly fighting tears. His voice is so warm and full of feeling, and all at once, I’m overwhelmed. With a hitch in my voice, I whisper, “Y-you.” His lips brush my ear. “Aye, baby. And all I am is yours now, so take care of this monster you’ve enslaved.”
Instead of making me feel smug, like it would with any other man, it gives me a profound sense of humility and gratitude. I make a silent vow that I’ll never hurt him, even if it comes down to a choice between that and hurting myself.
You’re not a child, so I’ll never tell you how to dress, but I am a jealous man. I don’t share. And I’m not Stavros. If it were me that night at La Cantina and another man slapped your arse as we walked by, he’d be dead before he drew another breath. Not because of my ego, but because anyone who disrespects you will pay a price. And if they disrespect you in front of me, the price will be especially severe.”
