I mutter, “Yes, Mother.” “Don’t sass me, young lady, or you’re grounded.” “Ha.” “And I’ll take away all your electronic devices.” She snickers. “Especially the vibrating ones.” I say without heat, “You’re a terrible friend.” “You’ll thank me later. You probably can’t even have an orgasm with a real penis anymore because you’ve been hammering your vagina with all those power tools. Your cooch is a construction zone.” “I’m hanging up now.” “Don’t forget to eat!”
