Beautiful Sinner

by Sara Cate

“Bloody hell,” a gruff voice mutters as the ominous stomping comes nearer until a tall man in all black walks into the lobby.

the FMC is there with another guy... MMC grumpy!

The passion between us is so intense that it doesn’t take him more than a few pumps inside of me before he’s coming, jolting between my legs. In terms of reaching an orgasm myself, I guess it would have been nice if the passion fizzled out a little...just enough to give me a chance.

ha!

After three rounds, Clint is helping me as I stumble down the cobblestone road toward the hotel. I don’t remember getting to the room or taking my clothes off because as soon as we started up the stairs, everything went black.

did he drug her???

“It’s a common scam. Let me guess, you paid for the rental car.” “Oh my God!” I scream into my hands. No, no, no. Clint cared about me. We had a connection. I let him come in me.

eww girl! self respect!

I keep waiting to wake up again, and the next time I do, I’ll be curled cozily next to the man of my dreams instead of facing Mr. Tall, Cold, and Stoic. I peek through my tear-soaked fingers long enough to catch the look he’s giving me before he stands up and walks to the desk. It’s the kind of look an adult gives a naive child who didn’t listen when they were told the stove was hot.

I'm sure he just has one of those faces... I bet his savior complex is rearing its ugly head

“Stay there,” Sunny answers. “Send me their info. I’ll send them money to cover your expenses while you figure out what you’re going to do next.” My back starts to shake as another bout of sobs fight their way out. I’ve never felt like such an idiot in my whole life. My sister has to take care of me, why? Because I’m the world’s biggest fuck up.

so I also need to read sunny and Alexander's story, that's the age gap one... next... maybe... if this one's good

“Cadence, maybe this is a sign. Maybe you’re alone right now because you need to be alone for a while.” My tears stop and my brow furrows. “I don’t know how to be alone, Sunny.” “I know you don’t, but you’re stronger than you think, Cadence. You just spend too much time focusing on someone else when you should be focusing on yourself.”

ah, so this should be a story about a woman learning to love being just with herself. I'll be judging it on whether or not she learns to be independent BEFORE jumping into bed with the priest...

I struggle to keep my eyes off her lips while she talks. There’s something about the animated way they move, exposing her perfectly straight white teeth and the subtle dimple in her chin that is so disarming I forget that I’m not supposed to stare, and I’m especially not supposed to stare at beautiful women half my age.

is he 40???

She’s clearly uncomfortable, but I don’t know why I want to know more. I want to hear what she thought of today’s verse, the words I wrote, the wisdom I delivered.

eww, don't push your agenda on people

I know his type all too well. He’s basically my father. Callum has his collar. My father has his money. It makes them essential, guarantees that someone will need them…because underneath they are afraid no one really wants them.

oof, harsh. let's see if he proves her wrong

Then, he leans forward, and I expect him to kiss me. If he does, will I let him? Will I kiss him back? Pull him into my room and let him between my legs? For curiosity’s sake, probably. But he doesn’t kiss me. Instead his mouth stops within an inch of my ear. His voice cuts through the silence, harsh and cruel, so loud in my ear I jolt. But it’s not just the abrupt volume that hurts. “Slut.”

literal gasp!! wow! interesting!

And it’s not about the sex. I’m not going to apologize for loving sex, but fresh off the pain of being duped by Clint, I feel what he’s trying to tell me. I’m just a stupid girl who opened her legs for a stranger and got what she deserved.

good development. first impressions and all

Standing in the middle of the room, bent over the sink with shaving cream on his face is Callum—and the shaving cream is the only thing on his body. The only thing.

who shaves naked?!?! 🤣🤣🤣

“Twenty-five Hail Mary's for seeing your priest naked.” I stare at him, mouth hanging open. “Wh—what?” “Thirty if you entertained lustful thoughts.” “Oh my God!”

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

How bad is it if I spend my nights thinking about the way Cadence might sound when she comes? Or what her favorite position is. Or what those full lips would feel like around my cock.

not bad at all in my book

“Where are you going?” I ask, leaning against the doorframe. “Looking like a snack.”

ha!! she said to the priest

I love how easy it is to rile him up. As I pull away, our cheeks brush and our eyes meet, and I want to get caught in the moment. This thing between us feels like something I can manipulate and play with. I want to see how far I can get him to go, how much I can tease him, make him break his vows. I know that sounds cruel and unfair, but it’s the only way I can describe what this is.

you're supposed to be being independent!!

Judging by his curious smile and slow head nod, he’s invested. There’s a special moment when you're talking to a guy when you can suddenly tell that he’s not leaving this conversation without a number, a kiss, or a plan to see you again.

so worldly, so wise.

“You live here too then?” My heart pitter patters in my chest. I bite my lip. “Third floor.”

well it's nice to know she's learned literally zero about trusting strangers. if this was a true story she'd wake up robbed

I just want to tell Hannah not to bother talking to Callum like that. She clearly didn’t pick up on his occupation because he came in without his collar on.

this is way too ham-handed. I'm here for one reason, and it better be good, because this almost isn't worth it.

More than once on the short walk, I catch Callum glaring back at us. I feel like my dad is watching me on a date.

this is ick

It’s like a final invitation because he pulls me closer by the arm and presses his soft lips against mine. Once his tongue is in my mouth, right at the table with his friends, I know we’re having sex tonight.

ugh! yuck this writing!!!

Who am I to stop her?

absolutely no one!

But then again, I’ve never been tempted before. Not like this.

i hate it when they say this, what is special about this random girl? that's half his age by the way

Like a cilice around my waist, I make myself listen to what I can’t have.

ew

“I know it’s the only way you can get people to listen to you. I heard you at Mass. I know you’re a good speaker. But you’re nothing without it.”

mean

I made a mistake sleeping with Taron. I know that now. Sure, Callum has no ownership over me, but I blatantly disregarded what we have, even if it’s not a romantic relationship, and I rubbed it in his face. I don’t blame him for his anger now. I still hate that he called me a slut, but what would I have called him if he took another woman home in front of me?

way to justify it. I mean, he did apologize but, he still meant it and you're rationalizing that toxic behavior

“Unlike you, Callum, I make my own decisions. I say what I do with my body.” “Not anymore,” he snaps as he crashes his mouth against mine.

so this is abrupt. in the last chapter he went on and on about how he just couldn't have her and that's that, but one more guy flirting with her and we're jumping straight to 'nevermind'???

Not one time do I think that this is wrong. If God is here in this moment, he can’t fault me for what I’m about to do because it was my faith that prepared me for it. The unwavering ability to worship something so perfect and all-consuming. To give my very soul to power greater than me. Powerful enough to commit my life to. My mind screams that this is wrong, but my heart doesn’t know the difference between God and Cadence.

I don't personally understand the reasoning behind a vow of celibacy. I personally disagree, but that's me! he doesn't have to explain it to me! but the way it's rationalized in books is ridiculous. it's a wonder any priest stays celibate if this is all the rationale needed. these fictional priests always have a way of talking themselves into it, even somehow convincing themselves it's actually just what God would want. again, I don't personally agree with the vow of celibacy; if you wanna fuck, by all means, fuck, but please don't lie to yourself.

And it’s not just that I’m falling for Callum—I fall for men all the time. What’s throwing me off about this one is that it feels so different, so consuming, so real.

oh do tell, oh wise one, how this is so very different...

“Kneel,” he says in a low whisper, and my spine tingles with this command.

AAAHHH!!! HE SAID THE THING!!! which came first?? this or Fleabag??? (it was fleabag)

Still on my knees, I stare up at him, no longer with lust in my eyes, but compassion. I hate this feeling that I’m torturing him. I want to fight for Callum, but I’m not willing to split him in two to do it. After a moment, he slowly leans his hips back toward me. “Kiss it again.”

uh huh, I think he's gonna be fine.

She’d forget all about me and this crazy moment in her life where she almost convinced a priest to break his vows.

takes two to tango...

I can’t stop staring at the woman, with her long blonde hair that looks like it’s dyed from a darker shade. She has plump cheeks and full lips, and the striking resemblance to Cadence is disarming.

yeah, she's age appropriate! hahahahahaha just kidding I don't care about age gaps.

My eyes dart to his face, wide with surprise. He doesn’t say anything, but he turns around to settle some papers on his desk. He didn’t change his mind for her, I tell myself, but when I turn around I find a victorious expression on her face, and the jealousy twists even tighter. My mother wouldn’t go after a priest, would she?

if this turns into a mother-daughter-priest threesome... I can't, there's only so much I can take. I know, that's ridiculous, right? why write this?!

But he’s being distant.

I agree! he's worse than any stereotypical 'hot and cold' woman. this is jarring AF

I want to tell him that my mother is flirting with him, but he probably already knows. It’s obvious, but I have no room to talk. I do the same exact thing.

yeah! exactly! where are we even going with this?!?!?!

How can I trust my heart if it’s made nothing but mistakes?

Callum inherently isn't untrustworthy. it's not that you mistook that part... it's the whole priest thing!!

I have a momentary vision of us years down the road, still secretly fucking in this room and nothing will be ruined. No one will be hurt. We will be happy and everything will be fine. If I were still somewhat sober, I would stop myself, but I’m not—so I don’t.

super sustainable...

“I know my daughter, Callum. She’s in love with you, and it’s not about what happened last night. She’ll stay here for you and wait forever if you ask her to. She’ll give you everything you want.”

I like this, I just wish the rest leading up to it was more developed. there's no indication except this sentence, which comes after all the supposed development, to indicate why cadence would be so appealing to Callum. why this half-his-age girl?!

“Am I stupid for staying for him?” Tears start to prick around the edges of my eyes, and I have to clench my teeth to stop them from falling. “No, but I want to see you do something for yourself, Cadence. You’re always doing so much for others. You spent your whole childhood taking care of me and your sister. Your relationship with men has always been about meeting their expectations, but what about yours? If you stay for him, what is he going to do for you?”

this is the whole point, and Sara does such a fantastic job wrapping things up, but I guess... everything was too flippant in the beginning?? like, it's serious now, and I see the end point now, but how did we get here?!

For so long I’ve chased boys who seemed like the pretty package, and I never bothered to look deeper. It’s not about Callum’s looks; it’s the way he looks at me that makes my stomach flutter and my toes curl. He challenges me, gives me confidence, shows me what I can really do, and never doubts me.

if all we have for reference is Clint or Callum, sure, but way to tell us. there are other good men out there. as Andrew Scott said... it'll pass

We did it two more times last night after running back to his rectory,

cue the Emma Stone "we did it!" gif. and by all means, don't show us. I love being told...

This feeling of being one with him is enough for me. Before Callum, sex was something I did to please whoever I was with. It was what they wanted of me. But with Callum, it’s so much more. It’s pleasure and connection. It’s rough and beautiful.

of course. once again, please, don't show me, tell me all about it

“I’m not asking you to devote yourself to me.” It hurts to say it, but it’s true. I want any part of him, even if it’s not all of him.

ick

If he can give into this so easily, maybe he can let it go completely. Maybe once he realizes I’m enough for him, he’ll choose me.

oof!! way to be a girl about it...

“Ireland has universal healthcare, Cadence. Go to the doctor there.” “What if they don’t have the one I like? Can’t you just get one of those fake scripts you used to get and send me some?” I know my voice is taking on a whiny tone, but I don’t want to see a doctor here, and I don’t know why.

is the author making you part of a surprise pregnancy trope, cadence?

“You’re not mad?” My voice sounds so small. “Why would I be mad? It’s your life.” “I know, but Callum…” “Always was a terrible priest.” She sniggers. “I can’t say I saw this coming though. Callum was always so focused on work and duty, that I worried he would miss his whole life. I always hoped something would change his mind...”

too bad this wise sister is such a bit player

But I'm still mad at him. I’m mad that he’s going along with it, treating me like a piece of ass when I thought I meant more to him. I had myself convinced that he would change his mind and abandon the church for me. It was a stupid thing to think.

it's been, like, two weeks

“Are you going to tell me what it is?”

it's actually none of your business, sir