A Love Like the Sun

by Riss M. Neilson

For anyone who has ever felt hard to love, to those afraid to ask for what they need, and for myself. It’s not easy being brave, but I believe in us.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were flying in?” “I love surprising you,” he says, like it’s the most obvious answer in the world. “And I came to be a better best friend. Sorry it took me so long.”

Maybe a soulmate connection isn’t something you just feel, maybe it’s something you have to be committed to building.”

before this he was just a boy with passion and an eye for beauty. He’s sickening, I like to joke. One of those humans who is both good-looking and good at too many things. God made him and said, Let me add extra.

“What if this path takes me from you?”

What are partners for if not to help?”

“Because you’re the picture of modesty,” Katrina says. “Except when you wear those tight tank tops and your titties be tittying.” I frown. “They do?” “Without your consent or knowledge, apparently,” Lex pipes in.

We don’t need to make a show for the public because the love we share is authentic enough.

I pick up a pillow, throw it at him. He ducks the first one but not the second before escaping to the bathroom. “Why are you hiding from me?” “I gotta pee, woman!”

“Don’t be flirting with my girl while your girl is on your arm. Don’t flirt with my girl at all, please.”

I hope he can’t tell that I’m documenting each time he avoids touching me and each time he doesn’t.

Perfect. That’s what Issac called something I thought wouldn’t be enough.

I down two ibuprofens with a glass of water, then get ready for a jog. I speak to my body ahead of time. Tell my legs this is a thing we do now, tell my lungs to be strong, my head to be easy on me, then I go.

“What if I’m feeling worse because I’m paying more attention to my body? Or what if I just think I’m feeling worse? Maybe he’s right and I’m being paranoid.”

There’s a tether between us, every time I turn to look for him it feels like he’s looking for me too.

Someone will be lucky to have him, and you better figure out your feelings soon so that someone can be you.”

on the other side of the invisible string, wondering why his calls were coming less frequently, he must’ve been wondering why mine hardly came at all.

“You are the definition of a gentle giant. You wouldn’t hurt anybody.” “Not true,” Issac says. “For you, I’d bring down the sun.”

“We’re all insecure about something,” I tell her. “But I promise you’re radiant. And if you feel it on the inside, you’re going to notice it on the outside, and so will other people.”

I’m full of feeling when Issac’s face crosses my mind again. I decide I’m going to call him, interrupt his day so that the news can give him butterflies too.

“There’s no one in the world more significant to me than you.”

being with you under a sky, all my stress, my fears fall away. It’s just me and you, and a comforting quiet that I don’t get anywhere else. From anyone other than you.”

A thought comes that maybe there’s another universe in which we could be in love without ever hurting each other.

Relationships are often painful and hard, and even the good ones can end, leaving broken hearts behind.

It wasn’t supposed to be this good. I prayed it wouldn’t be. How will I ever let you go?”

I’m not sure we were successful at keeping our hearts out of this.

I’d like it if you drooled on my pillows forever. <3

“Nothing ever feels small or silly or even simple when I’m with you,”

“I’d like to be anywhere with you, please,”

“You let me take all the pink ones, even though they were your favorite. That’s when I knew I was a goner,” he says. “I fell in love with you that day, and it’s been that way ever since.”

“It’s okay to cry. Crying is brave,”

Doctors are here to help, not to create complexes because of a system that gives them superiority.

I don’t want him to make promises now that he might struggle to keep later. What if he resents me for it? What if my body changes and eventually I can’t do the things that make him happy? It’s better I end things now, set him free.

“I want you to seek joy in this world wherever you can. You don’t need my permission to date. But if he fails to keep you smiling, I can’t promise I won’t short him on rent.”

Daddy would want you to experience all that you have left to experience while you’re here. Because the love you had with him might be once in a lifetime, but there are other loves. And you’re allowed to care about something other than me and the shop.”

I don’t even like apples, but what else am I going to eat that’s low in sodium, has less potassium than a banana, and isn’t too many calories?

After all he’s been through, he deserves easy. He deserves so much more than I might be able to give him in the future, or anyone for that matter.

“I kept it from you because I can’t be responsible for how much your life might change if you decided to be with me,”

Why does love have to hurt?

How do you think I’ll feel knowing I could’ve saved you from a life with me?”