Heathen & Honeysuckle (Pacific Shores, #1)

by Sarah A. Bailey

“You’ve changed me, too, Honeysuckle. You’ve made me understand what it feels like to be found. Seen. Heard. Valued. You make me believe in myself in a way I’ve never had before. You make me feel like I’m worth something.”

I want to keep this moment in time locked away into permanence, a chord that will forever connect the two of us to this moment, keeping it perfect and safeguarded. I can’t think of a better way to do that than to give him a little piece of my soul and to be gifted his in return.

I pull back so he can see my face clearly. “I want to be yours. I want you to be mine.” “You already are, and so am I,” he whispers, as if afraid to disturb the night.

“You don’t need a piece of my soul, Honeysuckle. You already own the whole goddamn thing.”

“The necklace you do wear, that ring… Is it mine?” “Yes,” he whispers. “You’ve been wearing it all this time.” With the soft nod of his head, I feel as if some gate inside me has just opened, flooding me with every feeling I’ve repressed for all these years. Suddenly, I’m drowning in it. Drowning in him.

The longer time went on without hearing from you, I began to believe I had made us up, that you couldn’t have loved me the way I thought you did. The way I loved you.”

“It represented a piece of you that would always belong to me. If I couldn’t have you. If I never got to see you again. If you…” He sighs. “If you went on to marry someone else, love someone else, give the rest of yourself to another person…” He reaches up to grab the ring hanging at his chest. “I’d have this. I’d have this piece of you, this reminder that at one point in time, you were mine. It’s a reminder that I know what love is. That I have been loved, even if I’m not anymore.”

“Stop looking at me like that,” he whispers. “Like what?” “Like I own all the pieces of your soul. Like you’ve been incomplete all this time without them.” I can’t stop looking at him that way, because that’s exactly what’s happened. He’s owned every piece of me since I was seventeen, and I only now realize how lost I’ve been since then.

“This moment is the most complete I’ve felt since that night on the beach all those years ago,” I whisper.

“Those reviews are definitely left by the skinwalkers out here trying to lure people into their flesh-eating claws.” “Don’t be silly, Darby. Skinwalkers live in Appalachia. You’re thinking of Bigfoot.”

I’ve always known what it means to kiss Leo Graham. I’ve known what it’s like to find him, to lose him, and to find him again. I know what life is like with him and what life is like without him.

That never happened, because when my brain fought tooth and nail to convince me otherwise, my heart and soul always knew. It was him. It’s always been him. Maybe I can’t take back the past, but I can fight like hell for our future.

“I’ll keep you safe. I’ll wait for you. I’ll always protect you, even if it has to be just inside your own head for a little while.”

My grip on her tightens as she slips her tongue into my mouth, savoring the impossible feel of her flesh on mine. The reminder that she’s real. That we’re real. We’ve always been real. After ten years of drought, my soul is experiencing its first rainfall, and I almost don’t care that it’s happening inside a crowded bar.

It’s no accident this time, Honeysuckle. Not because of a lack of rooms or options. Tonight, I think we’ve both finally realized the only place you belong is right here next to me.”

“I’d never hate you, Honeysuckle,” I say, running my hand along the back of her head. “I promised I’d always keep you safe. I’ll always be there for you. I came out here to keep that promise, and I’ve also realized I never fell out of love with you, either.”

Darby. My honeysuckle. My first love. My only love.

It all started here with her. She’s carried it with her—carried me with her—all this time. She’s always been mine.

“You survived seventeen years without it, Leo. I’m sure you’ll be fine.” “I also survived seventeen years without you, Honeysuckle. Doesn’t mean I ever want to live without you again.”

“Don’t go slow,” I bite out through heaving breaths. “I didn’t magically grow back my hymen. Fuck me with your fingers, Leo. I need it.”

“You can take it, , Honeysuckle.” I drop down a little more. “Just like that. We’ll make it fit. You were made for me.”

“When I watch myself fuck you, it looks like coming home. But when you tighten around my cock, honey—” My body clenches at his words, his breath against my cheek. “Fuck. It feels like finding faith.”

“You’re the one who chases my ghosts away now,” she whispers. I lean into her, laughing against her lips. “You’re still the sunlight shining through the cracks of my shattered soul.”

Nobody has looked at me so deeply and still decided they wanted me, still decided I was enough.

I love you. I know the future feels scary right now, but I have faith in us. Distance is finite. It can be conquered. But you and I, Honeysuckle, we are infinite. We are destined. Written in the stars. Proof of the divine.

“I’m the one who came inside you twice last night. The least I can do is pay for your Plan B.”

“And you’re not engaged to that man. The next time you want to refer to yourself as engaged, you let me know, because the only person you’re marrying in this life is me.”

“I’ve never been enough to make someone stay before. I think that might be why I’ve fought so hard to be successful, to make money, to have a name. I’ve been fighting to be enough for someone.” His voice cracks. “To be enough for you.”

“I love you, too, Honeysuckle. With every single shard of my broken soul.”

It’s like I’m witnessing the course of my life change right in front of me, and there is nothing I can do about it. I’m looking down the barrel of a future I never got to have but I now know would have existed if everything had just been a little different. My soul feels like it’s being shredded at the seams.

“You’re my ‘it for me’ person. You were my first love. Then, the one who got away. Now, you’re my ‘it was always you.’ And it doesn’t matter what happened in between, because you’re gonna be my forever person too.” He cups my face, bringing his mouth to mine. “You’re my once-in-a-lifetime kind of love, Darby.”

“I bought a house for you to line with books and flowers and to fill with babies and laughter and happiness. To give you the home you’ve always deserved and never got to have.”

She chews on her lip. “I can’t cook.” “Neither can I.” I take a step toward her. “We’ll take lessons. We’ll order takeout. I really don’t give a shit as long as I’m eating my meals with you.” She leans farther into the counter as I close the distance between us. “I’ll take out the trash, and you can close the lid on the toilet seat when I inevitably leave it up. I won’t even be mad at you when you yell at me about it. You’ll water the plants because they’ll die if I touch them, and I’ll mow the lawn. You’ll decorate the house, and I’ll hang things on the wall.” I brace my arms on either side of the counter behind her, pressing our bodies together. Her eyes are wide, chest heaving, as she looks at me. I let myself melt into her warmth. “We’ll figure it out each day. We’ll keep growing together. We’ll change, we’ll fight, and we’ll have hard days, and that will all be okay.” I drop my head, running my nose along hers. “You know why, honeysuckle?”

“There have been times where I’ve struggled with faith and fate, where I’ve had a lot of questions I never thought I’d get the answers to. Where I’ve felt like a soulless ghost, lost and wandering.” He takes my trembling hand in his steady one. “But meeting you made me believe in things I never thought were real. Knowing you answered every question I’ve ever had about the world. Finding you again brought me back to life.”

And when he kisses me in a way that feels like crashing waves and blooming flowers, I know I’m home.