One Last Shot (Frozen Hearts, #3)

by Julia Connors

Behind those blue irises, a Petra-level storm is brewing, and I’m almost looking forward to watching it break.

Why does she have to be so fucking beautiful? She should come with a warning: Nearness may cause distractibility and lapses in judgment. Proceed with Caution.

“Petra, work is not life,” she slowly repeats the mantra she’s always held dear.

“I am so many things,” he says, his voice low and steady, “but a gentleman is not one of them.”

“There is a difference between loving and spoiling. Loving means giving someone what they need in order to feel safe and cared for. Spoiling is giving someone what they don’t need, just because they want it. You should learn the difference if you are going to work with children.”

She’s the one that got away, except I was the one who pushed her away the minute she tried to get close.

I love how she instinctively knows we need to empower the next generation to love themselves, to not listen to all the bullshit about how you need to look a certain way in order to be loved, accepted, or desired.

I very intentionally make it look like I love this life I’ve created for myself, but the truth is that even at thirty, I don’t know where I’m going or what I really want. I work hard and I’ve gotten lucky too. I’ve been able to essentially reinvent myself and my life and my career over and over. But the result is that instead of feeling successful, I feel like everything is temporary.

“You have no idea what you’re asking,” I growl, my face inches from hers. She lowers her eyes to my lips. “I don’t ask,” she says quietly. Yes, this is a woman who is used to calling the shots. “You’re going to beg,” I say, my voice low, steady. I can’t control this desire any longer, not when she’s standing in front of me challenging me to do the thing my body most wants to do. “And you’re going to like it.”

And I already know, with absolute certainty, that once will not be enough. Tonight will not be enough. I’m not sure there is an “enough.”

“There’s nothing wrong with a girl who knows what she wants and goes after it.” Her eyes challenge me to disagree. “There certainly isn’t.” In fact, there is nothing sexier than a confident woman who knows what she wants

she should be, and in many ways already is, mine. As much as I’ve fought against that desire my whole life, I realize it’s fruitless. I will never be happy until we’re together. It’s the inevitable ending of our story.

“You and Petra have a special bond. But that doesn’t mean you and Raina won’t have a different, special bond too.” “But Raina will only be my nanny. I wanted Petra to stay and be my mom.”

I want to spend our last night together wrapped in each other’s arms, because even though I dread the dawn, I’m planning on making the most of this darkness.

“I promised myself a long time ago,” she whispers, and her hot breath bounces off my lips, “that I’d never again do anything I didn’t want to do, that I’d stay true to myself. And this—leaving—is me doing something I don’t want to do.”

“I feel like love is a lot stronger when you want someone without needing them,” Sierra says. “Please explain.” I like this phrase Aleksandr used the other night, and I think I’m going to employ it often. “Well,” she says slowly before pausing. “When you love someone because you need them, it’s hard to tell what that love is based on—is it really love or is it codependency? But when you love someone that you don’t need in your life, when you’re already whole and you love someone because they make you happier, better, more fulfilled—that’s a much stronger kind of love.”

“Then fight, girl,” Sierra says. “Be unapologetically you. Be a badass and in love. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.”

“You know I’d fly across the country even if it was to see you just for one day, right?”

“I’ve missed you for fourteen years,” he says. “I hardly think I’m going to stop now.”

“Petra, I couldn’t stop thinking about you and missing you if my life depended on it. Is that what you wanted to hear?” That certainly wasn’t what I was expecting to hear, but it’s what I needed to know. “Yes.”

“I swear to you,” I say, leaning forward and taking her hand, “I will do everything in my power to protect your heart. I know I screwed up once. I will not make that mistake again.”

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone else. It’s always been you, love. Always, only you.”

‘You can have anything you want, you just can’t have everything.’

my philosophy is that your goals are only worth working for if they are your goals. Your goals don’t have to look like anyone else’s, and they don’t have to make sense to others. They say that comparison is the thief of joy, but I’d argue that it also leads lots of people into lives that aren’t what they really want.

listen to your gut. Most of the time when we make decisions that take us in the wrong direction in life, it’s because our gut instincts told us one thing, but we listened to societal expectations instead.

What is feminism if it’s not a woman unapologetically going after what she wants? A lot of people claim I’m not a feminist because I’m married and have two kids, because I’ve made sacrifices in my career in order to make sure my family situation works. I’m here to say what every woman needs to hear: you can have anything you want, you just can’t have everything.

I would say that having a family has made me into the ultimate feminist: someone who has chosen to live life on her own terms, regardless of what people expect of her. I’m a woman who has chosen my own happiness over anyone else’s expectations and that, I believe, is what makes me a feminist.”

The ultimate feminist,” I repeat her sentiment, “is someone who unapologetically goes after the life she wants, someone who has chosen her own happiness over anyone else’s expectations.”

People change, they evolve, and their goals do too. If you’re someone”—she looks off past my left shoulder, directly at the camera—“who is stuck working toward goals some previous version of you wanted, when what you now want is actually something else, then you’re not being true to yourself.”

“I’m a woman who has chosen my own happiness over anyone else’s expectations and that, I believe, is what makes me a feminist.”

“I deserve to be happy, yes. I don’t think I need a man to make me happy, though. That’s the part I don’t believe.”