Good Elf Gone Wrong (Wynter Brothers, #1)

by Alina Jacobs

That bitch needs to be cunt punted into next Christmas.”

an idea appeared. An awful idea. A wonderful, awful idea, because I was now in my Grinch season.

“Christmas begins right after Halloween.” “It literally does not.” I crossed my arms. “Yeah, it does. That’s why they made The Nightmare Before Christmas.”

Any of you touch her, you’re dead,” I said flatly. “Not just dead to me but dead, buried in the yard dead.”

“What? You have tits, and you don’t have a yeast infection. What’s not to love? What more does a man need?”

“You took my door,” I shrieked. “So I can’t shut it. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.”

Stop seeing the good in everyone.” “I see the good in you.” “I ate all your Nutella and blamed the maintenance guys,” she said flatly. “I am a bad person.

Who did my fake boyfriend think he was, not acting like the fake father of my fake baby?

“Mazel tov, Astelle,” Granny Murray said and raised her glass of vodka. “Broken clock is right twice a day after all.”

“Fuck you and your entire shitty family. Not you, you’re actually cool, Granny Murray,”