Back After This

by Linda Holmes

Truthfully, I was still looking for a person to be with in the same way I was looking for a bigger apartment: longingly, daily, and around the edges of all the other things I had to do. I would look at dating apps and townhouse listings, become utterly defeated, and forget about it for another day.

Sometimes, the only good thing about knowing the truth is that you can do all the things you would have done all along if only you had known the truth.

All I wanted was to be capable of things not everyone was capable of. Ten percent better at the regular things, willing to take on the extraordinary things.

I had a way that I wanted things to go,” I said. “And I worked very hard to make them go that way, and they’re just not going to. And I’m really disappointed.”

“All jobs have some degree of bullshit,” she told me, “but it is so refreshing just to have new bullshit.”