How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying (Dark Lord Davi #1)
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4%
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If I got into therapy and unloaded half the shit I’ve seen, Dr. Freud would take a running leap out the nearest window.
5%
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“I,” I announce to the world, “am going to become the fucking Dark Lord.”
7%
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Something about a girl who can wrap her fingers all the way around my neck does it for me. Her biceps are as big as my thighs.
10%
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Always act like you know what you’re doing—if you win, you look awesome, and if you lose, then you’re dead and who cares if they think you’re a poseur?
11%
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I gave up trying to figure out how it works a hundred lifetimes ago; the thing about a fantasy world is that “A wizard did it” is a perfectly valid explanation.
13%
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Try not to die. Try not to die. Try not to die.
14%
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The universe may be a vicious pile of utter nonsense, but at least when you drink drinks, you get drunk.
28%
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The thing about manipulating a crowd is that you don’t have to convince everyone. Ninety percent of the shouting comes from 10 percent of the mob. Get the loudest voices on your side, and the rest will convince themselves.
57%
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Yes, come and join the Modern Horde! Diversity is our strength! Diversity and stabbing!
59%
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nobody hates the people on the bottom of the ladder as much as those clinging to the second rung.
66%
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“He’ll wait,” I say. “His scouts may poke us, but the Prince isn’t one to stick his dick in a mystery box.”
72%
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Q: How does a girl with tusks go down on you? A: Very carefully, and with commendable attention to detail.
82%
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Life #239? That voice. Like a word on the tip of your tongue. “Getting closer.”
84%
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She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. One of her hands is pressed to her chest where I touched her. “I thought,” she says after a long moment, “that when you died, you woke up back at the beginning? Two months ago, on the hill with that wizard.”
85%
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“If there’s someone behind it, and I find out who it is, they are so fucking dead. Dead doesn’t even begin to describe it. I am going to invent whole new categories of pain for them to try out.”
88%
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My motto is Nobody kills me and gets away with it.
89%
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“Why would you help me?” “Mainly because I’m an idiot. But also I’ve had certain life-changing revelations recently the scope of which you can’t possibly imagine, and they have encouraged me to practice a more restrained and forgiving path than heretofore, but my fucking patience still has limits.”
92%
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I cast fireball, motherfucker.
93%
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What the fuck do I do now?