A few years before I had cut my ring finger while chopping an onion. The bleeding hadn’t stopped so I’d had to go to the hospital and get the tip cauterised. They burnt the blood vessels to stop the bleeding. And now I couldn’t feel anything on the tip of the finger. So I felt like that is what had happened to me, that grief and guilt and life had cauterised me and there was nothing new to experience. Just a wound to look at and keep prodding for a sign of feeling.
