The Nature of Disappearing

by Kimi Cunningham Grant

Now, she runs her palm over the pocket, feeling the shape of each item beneath the

nylon. A habit.

her left ring finger tingles in the cold....

if Tyler hadn’t left her in the woods,

But things had never been the same, since that summer, five years ago.

AFTER what had happened with Tyler, after death had licked at Emlyn’s door and she’d leaned close and then finally decided to pull back,

If it hadn’t been for Janessa, Emlyn might be dead.

She scans the topography, searching. A habit.

adrift and nearly dead.

All of the pain. All of the lies. He had destroyed her and left her in a heap, and she’s spent the last three years working so very hard to stagger back

to her feet.

I wouldn’t be here if I had any other choice. I promise you that.”

she wants to follow him.

Tyler had leaned into his addiction.

Tyler and Janessa had reconnected, after what happened—they’d been close friends since childhood,

Janessa, too: the way their friendship splintered that summer, five years ago

She sweeps her long, tangled hair across her neck and twists it over her left shoulder.

Track her down, do whatever it took. In fact, she’d already done this for Emlyn, once.

It was Varden who found her, three years ago, seven miles up that dirt road. Hypothermic and dehydrated.

before Tyler’s accident,

always felt bad about how things went sideways between the two of you, once I came into the picture. I never meant for that to happen.”

tiny scar on his cheek edging deeper.

“Two years ago, I launched it. We do vans. Camper vans.” “Like we used to talk about.”

I’m clean. Haven’t touched any of it since—” He clears his throat. “—since we broke

up. I’m completely, one hundred percent addiction-free.”

“You might be the most skilled tracker in Idaho,

Four and a half years ago, deep in the Gila Wilderness: Tyler badly injured and the two of them far, far from the rest of the world. Darkness slinking in, miles to cover to get help.

who was the real Janessa, anyway?

“When I was a kid, I always made my best friend, Tyler,

but even then she knows she won’t say no to Janessa; she can’t, and most of the time, she doesn’t want to.

her elementary education degree to work,

By this point they’ve been friends for years, but all along Emlyn has struggled to trust that this is real, that Janessa won’t move on to greener pastures,

She knows all too well that even the people who seem to love you the most can leave you and move on as though you never existed.

she believes that for the first time in her life, she has found a real friend.

The “delivered” notification does not appear.

Is she making the same exact mistake she made three years ago, following Tyler into the wilderness?

“You’re always the first person I want to call.”

Her dress, borrowed from Janessa, is a smidge on the small side, and she’s felt self-conscious all night. Her toes pinch in her high heels, also Janessa’s. Emlyn tugs them off and walks toward the deck’s edge. Her hair, long and tangled, is hot against her neck. It’s longer than she likes it, but when she scheduled a haircut, Janessa told her it was “very sexy and very Idaho” as-is, so Emlyn canceled her appointment at the last minute.

She is very dependent on what Janessa has go say.

“think about what happened to me in the Gila. Things can go south, fast.

Tyler is right. In their case, if someone had known, if someone had come—everything might’ve turned out differently. Everything.

Which means that it’s not so dangerous or even foolish to press on—not with that safety net in place, not with her skills, not if it means saving her friend.

“Tonight, madam, for your dining pleasure, we have chicken with vegetables and risotto; beef tips with mushrooms; and three sisters stew.”

It is odd that he is mking a joke righg now.

really I got it climbing up into my dad’s liquor cabinet when I was thirteen.

They were knowledgeable and skilled. An expert, a craftsman.

“My Tyler?”

“Let’s just say he’s off-limits.”

“I’ve known Bush a long time. Since high school.”

“I guess I’m saying if there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s that you can never really know a person.”

“I won’t be enough,”