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“No booty calls,” Alex tells him, and Henry chokes on a laugh.
was it a meeting about which of your cousins have to marry each other to take back casterly rock?
“Jaffa Cakes, my God,” Henry says. “I’m having my entire life haunted by a deranged American Neanderthal and a pair of turkeys, apparently.”
When the world seems awful, such as when you’re trapped in a Great Turkey Calamity, you can put it on and vanish into biscuit land.”
“Did that man just say ‘sweat drop down my balls’?”
“Oh,” Alex says finally, faintly, touching one hand to his lips. Then: “Shit.”
THE B ISN’T SILENT: A CRASH COURSE ON BISEXUAL AMERICANS.
“Hey, don’t threaten me with a good time.”
First Son of Your Former Colony
Huge Raging Headache Prince Henry of Who Cares,
“It pisses me off sometimes, thinking about everything he’s been through. He’s a good person. He really cares, and he tries. He never deserved any of it.”
Alex’s is a lurid teal and says HOE DAMERON. Henry’s lime-green one reads PRINCE BUTTERCUP.
“Have I mentioned lately that you’re a demon?”
Talk about American tax reform during the act? Have you got talking points?”
And through it all, Alex realizes with a start: He has friends now.
If only you had known the mighty work of thine loins would be undone by a gay heir who likes it when American boys with chin dimples are mean to him.
Henry inclines his head, sheepish. “I sent Pez home without me because I was worried.”
Alex looks over at Henry, looking rumpled and nauseated and terrified at the corner of the bed. “No.”
Should I tell you that when we’re apart, your body comes back to me in dreams? That when I sleep, I see you, the dip of your waist, the freckle above your hip, and when I wake up in the morning, it feels like I’ve just been with you, the
phantom touch of your hand on the back of my neck fresh and not imagined? That I can feel your skin against mine, and it makes every bone in my body ache? That, for a few moments, I can hold my breath and be back there with you, in a dream, in a thousand rooms, nowhere at all?
“Fuck off, five-nine is average.”
“Prince Consort Road? Oh my God, take a picture of me with the sign.”
Did you know the reason the King James translation of the Bible exists is because the Church of England was so displeased with James for flaunting his relationship with Villiers that he had the translation commissioned to appease them?”
“I’m taking a picture of a national gay landmark,” Alex tells him. “And also a statue.”
(I’ll agree with your assessment that you’re the Han to my Leia in that you are, without doubt, a scruffy-looking nerf herder who would pilot us into an asteroid field. I happen to like nice men.)
“Bit short for a stormtrooper.”
Alex reaches for him in return, presses one thumb into the hollow of his collarbone,
IK EDDIE DIAZ WHEN I SEE HIM
I couldn’t let a fucking predator be the most powerful man in the country if it was within my power to stop it.”
CRIES IN 2025
