Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love

by Helen Fisher

First of all, like drives, romantic attraction is tenacious; it is very hard to extinguish. Emotions, on the other hand, come and go; you can be happy in the morning and angry in the afternoon. Like drives, romantic love is focussed on a specific reward, the beloved, in the same way that hunger is focussed on food. Emotions, like disgust, pin themselves to an immense variety of objects and ideas. In fact, romantic love is linked with many diverse emotions depending on whether this urge is being satisfied or frustrated. Like drives, romantic love is not associated with any particular facial expression. All of the primary emotions—among them anger, fear, joy, surprise, and disgust—have stereotypic facial looks. Like drives, romantic love is exceedingly difficult to control. It is harder to curb thirst, for example, than it is to control an emotion, such as anger. Very important, all of the basic drives are associated with elevated levels of central dopamine.40 So is romantic love. And like all the other drives, romantic love is a need, a craving. We need food. We need water. We need warmth. And the lover feels he/she needs the beloved. Plato had it right over two thousand years ago. The god of love “lives in a state of need.”