Addicted for Now (Addicted #3)

by Krista Ritchie

I was a stupid kid who wanted to make Lily feel better—who wanted to change every horrible fucking thing. But I just didn’t know how. My father wanted to be proud of me, but I gave him nothing to be proud of. “Maybe I would have shipped you off,” he says, swishing his ice in his whiskey. “I was mad as hell back then. Your relationship with her was the only redeeming thing. So maybe.”

“Let’s get something straight—you’re not allowed to talk about her fucking anyone. Not me, not someone else, not anyone. Got it?” He rolls his eyes. “You just told me she’s a sex addict—” “I don’t give a shit,” I say coldly. “She’s still my girlfriend. She’s still Lily. And I’m not anywhere near comfortable talking about this with you.” “Maybe she’s just a slut,” my father says, clearly ignoring me. “Ever think of that? I could punch him. I think I could. But I don’t. I use my words, just like he taught me. “I’m going to say this once, and then you will never ever fucking call her that again. Nor will we have this discussion.” I’m standing up now. “She has a problem. She cries herself to sleep because she can’t stop thinking about it. I hold her in my goddamn arms, trying to get her to quit. Sex is her drug.” I point to my chest, my arms trembling. “I get it. I fucking get it, and you should too if you think for a goddamn minute how much you rely on that.” I motion to his drink and he stiffens. “And if anyone is the slut, it’s you.” He paraded enough women in and out of the house that I could have easily obtained some complex.

“We all have secrets; the ones we keep, and the ones that are kept from us.”

SPIDERMAN MENTIONED??? this is perfect for me (aka the biggest spiderman lover since i was like 5)

But plane flying—trapped in a metal tube in the air. Add in my fear of heights and the prospect of being in a small, confined space for a long period of time, and I begin to freak out a little. I need the option to dash into a room and burrow underneath the covers, to hide from everyone and escape to my sanctuary. Privacy, that’s my bread and butter

Because we all know his half-brother would stand in front of a bus before letting Lo drink. I would too. But I haven’t been put in that kind of situation yet.

“How are you doing?” I ask. “I’d feel better if I knew you were okay.”

I’m still trying to nail down the beauty bit, and with my chicken legs, I don’t think I’d stand a chance to achieve the brawn part.

But even in a tight, cramped space, Lo and I blocked out the rest of the world and whispered to ourselves.

The silver lining has to be Rose and Connor. During disaster situations, they’re the two people you want in your squadron—able to think under fire. They both went to the gift shop and bought essentials like toothpaste and toothbrushes. For pajamas, Rose picked out extra-large neon shirts that say I LOVE CANCUN. When she showed me those, I immediately remembered how this week was supposed to be a big step in her relationship with Connor. She asked him to sleep in the same bed as her, and when we had the three-bedroom suite, her plan didn’t seem as scary. But now that the sleeping arrangements have altered drastically, and everyone will be in clear sight of their bed, she’s more nervous. Tackling this level of their relationship in front of other people is not something she had imagined.

Lo spins me around after he dries off my hands. He cups my cheeks and tilts my head a little to meet his eyes. “No one is going to hurt you. I promise.” I love—more than anything—that he doesn’t bring up the fact that I just touched myself. That I fucked up in a tiny immeasurable way. He brushes it off, moves on, and makes me feel like I should too.

Rose,” Connor tells me. Oh. Shit. If I marry Lily, I am easily going to be the worst son-in-law. And then I pale at the idea of Connor and Rose. Connor Cobalt cannot marry Lily’s sister. He’ll set unattainable standards that I will never be able to meet.

I relax at the mere thought that Lily is smiling. Last night she was near tears, and anything that can change her mood is something I wholeheartedly approve of.

my eyes staying on Lily. It helps keep my mind off dragging Daisy to the nearest airport. I just want to make sure she’s safe. Three years ago, I’m not sure I would have even cared. Being sober definitely shifts my priorities.

time. And if Daisy can put a smile on Lily’s face, then maybe the hassle will be worth it.

“So glad to know that you consider my feelings, Rose. We now know who the nicest sister is.” “I thought that was me,” Lily pipes in with a coy smile. “You’re the best everything, love, that’s unspoken and true.”

“If Ryke isn’t nice to you then I’ll take care of him.” I actually turn to Rose for approval, not sure why hers means so much to me. But she nods in appreciation, or as close to the sentiment as that girl can come.

Daisy easily agreed. She seems to want to please other people, and I wonder just how much of her life has been dedicated to appeasing her mother.

“Come on,” he prods, gesturing her to follow him. “You’ll like the taco, I promise.” “I probably will,” she says, “but that still doesn’t mean I should eat it.” Melissa clutches Ryke’s hand and begins to pull him towards the outside grill behind a set of palm trees. “She doesn’t want a taco,” she says, tugging him like a child would a parent. “Let’s go.” Ryke’s jaw locks, and I think he would try to convince Daisy until she relented, but not with Melissa yanking his arm. So he leaves with that failure. Ryke inserting himself in other people’s problems is nothing new. I’m not surprised that he would take interest in Daisy’s diet, one that she maintains only to please her mother—I’ve known that since she started modeling.

“I thought you said I could only have a taco if I went with you.” “I’m making an exception.” Her eyes flicker between the taco and Ryke, and I don’t like where this is headed. It reminds me of the time where he tempted her with a piece of chocolate cake. She ate it, but only after a string of inappropriate events. Lo didn’t see that. And he’s too focused on his phone to look up and watch Daisy and Ryke. But maybe…maybe it’s all in my head. I mean, my thoughts circumnavigate to sex all the time. Maybe these past three months without Lo, their time together has been innocent and not as bad as I believed. And I do want Daisy to eat that taco.

Oh, she’s learned how to play his games since the last time. I should break this up, I think. But I’m hypnotized by their easy banter.

“But just one bite.” “Unless you love it.” “Like I said—” “You like many things, that doesn’t mean you should eat them,” he finishes. “I heard you.” “You listen,” she says mockingly. “What kind of guy are you?” “The rare kind.”

Daisy offered to sleep on the floor, not wanting to ruin our arrangements with her impromptu arrival, but Ryke refused to let her crash on the ground. He was nice enough to take the worst spot.

Ryke hardly suppresses his grin, and when he meets Daisy’s gaze, she gives him a look like you’re going to get in trouble.

“Her ass is better. Sorry,” he says, but he never looks back at Melissa. Daisy has stolen his attention. She shrugs. “You’re probably right, but if I had to rank asses, Rose’s would be number one. She has the best hair too.” “Your hair is pretty,” Lo tells her. “Don’t,” Ryke warns him with the shake of his head. If Daisy is insecure about anything it’s the hair she cannot cut or dye, per her agency’s rules. Lo’s face sharpens, resentful that Ryke knows more than him.

But my presence isn’t enough. I can’t give him back all those days he missed.

She splashes into the water, and surprisingly, Ryke joins her, dropping in. He breaks the surface and runs a hand through his wet hair.

oh?

She scrutinizes Ryke and Daisy, the way Ryke is basically hugging her in the water, but it’s really accidental. Or so I keep telling myself. It makes me feel better about the situation.

“How do you say in Spanish, no virgin drinks?” Melissa frowns. “How would he know?” “He’s fluent,” Daisy says. She discovered that during her sweet sixteen in Acapulco. Ryke has a proficiency in Spanish due to his prep school upbringing. He climbs out of the pool and grabs the cup from her. “I’ll order you a fucking drink. Wait here.”

Being late sleepers means having the room all to ourselves. We haven’t had sex (and aren’t planning to) but the privacy is nice for a little while.

i'm always the late sleeper on holiday

“Am I real enough for you?” Dear God, yes. He talks easily as he returns to soaping my body, as though he didn’t just blanket me with Loren Hale seduction. “Today we can do touristy stuff alone together. Whatever you want.”

I think he understands my physical state better than I do at times.

After a long moment, I realize that I’m okay. That I’m more excited about spending the day with him than I am about having sex.

Yesterday with Lily was literally the only day that alcohol never crossed my mind. Not once.

I know that if I didn’t care so much about Lily—or have Ryke here to glare at me—I would have already broken my sobriety. And then Connor makes me want to be a better person—however lame that sounds.

Connor would have come along, but he didn’t want to leave Rose and Lily shopping alone in Mexico.

Watching her in that kind of gutted agony would kill me, but if we do go down that road, I can’t resort to booze. For once, I have to be there for her. She’s my best fucking friend. And she deserves the type of guy who can make her feel better, not worse.

Someone named Mason convinced a freshman to screw each guy on the soccer team. One after the other. I didn’t have to be told it was her. I just knew. I grabbed a bottle of Jim Beam, pulled out my serrated hunting knife, and paced manically in the parking lot. I lost it on any car with a fucking soccer sticker, badge, identification, whatever. They would have to find another ride home.

It was one of her fantasies, she told me. And it came true, but I saw how much shame gnawed on her after that. She shrunk into herself and waited for me to stare at her like she was gross and dirty. But I just wanted to hold her and tell her that she was worth so much more than whatever she was searching for. But I was a selfish prick back then. I wasn’t willing to change our dynamic just yet. I thought if she overcame her addiction, then she’d make me overcome mine. And now that’s all I want for us.

Before I can even move a foot, Ryke has taken off. I follow close behind, hoping he doesn’t antagonize the locals. That image that I had of protecting Daisy—yeah, I thought the fight would be between drunk, stupid guys. But these two probably wouldn’t mind whipping out a knife if things turn heated. I don’t want to be thrown in jail in a foreign country without a fucking passport. Luckily, Ryke slows once we reach them, his eyes dead-set on Daisy, not the guys.

“You can’t run off and talk to strangers,” I tell her. It sounds stupid and parental—nothing I would normally say. When did I become a person who lectures someone else on responsibility? Fuck—I’m turning into Rose.

rose and lo are defo more similar than they think

Ryke catches Daisy’s wrist and tugs her to his side. She shrugs off Ryke’s hold, and her eyes flicker behind her. “Melissa is glaring at you.” Ryke doesn’t even check over his shoulder. “Don’t worry about her.” Melissa is about twenty feet away, arms crossed over her chest, waiting for Ryke to rejoin her. But he’s abandoned his girlfriend to help me with this situation. I won’t admit it out loud, but I’m pretty thankful. “I’m just trying not to get you in trouble,” Daisy tells him. “I can take care of myself.” His eyes bore into hers.

“Wait,” she says, raising her hand to show off the two necklaces. “Which one do you think Lily would like?” And now I feel like an ass. She just wanted to buy her sister jewelry. Lily doesn’t wear necklaces often, and the fact that I know this over Daisy makes me feel kind of good. But an uneasiness spins my stomach—because it means that our isolation has strained her relationship with her sisters. And I have to remind myself that this trip is about rebuilding everything we’ve ignored. I think Lil would like anything that came from Daisy. I inspect both necklaces, one with a black rope and the other with a chain. Daisy brushes her finger along the rope necklace. “This pendant has a guy sticking out his tongue. I thought she’d get a kick out of it.” “Definitely,” I say.

daisy is so sweet

She challenges him. And he’s the type of guy willing to take it. I stand between them before Ryke can answer her. I raise my eyebrows at Ryke in disbelief. I seriously thought I was dreaming what happened at the pool. It wasn’t fucking anything, I told myself. He was being nice, prodding her to eat a taco, even though he should have passed it to her rather than let her bite it from his hand. He shouldn’t have rubbed sauce off her chin. He shouldn’t have joked with her about fucking Melissa. There are so many things he should not do. But I let myself believe that he’s just an idiot. He doesn’t understand boundaries. That is Ryke’s biggest problem. But now, how do I explain this.

“Lo,” Ryke says, his tone warning. But his voice sends razorblades down my back. “Don’t you even fucking speak to me,” I snap. I hate him right now. I hate me, most of all. I hate that I just bitched out Daisy, who didn’t really do anything wrong. At least, nothing that warranted my harsh words. The remorse tastes like acid, and I usually drown it with whiskey. My next breath comes out ragged and Ryke focuses on me for a long moment. But when Daisy inhales strongly, staring at the sand with tears brimming, trying to bottle her emotions, he turns his gaze on her. I watch his face change. If he was concerned for me, I don’t even know what to call the expression he has for her. What the hell did I miss when I was in rehab?

OH

“I love women and care about them more than you even fucking realize, Lo. But I saw my mother turn callous from that divorce. I say things that I shouldn’t because I stopped giving a fuck what people thought of me. I stopped trying to play the doting son—the role that that girl is going through right now. And it’s fucking killing me to watch it happen.”

“I can’t leave you alone like this.” Ryke breathes heavily, and he hesitates to put a hand on my shoulder.

She’ll ask me what’s wrong as soon as I get inside. We’ve been around each other enough to pick up body language, and mine says I’m losing my shit. I hadn’t intended on lying to her.

I smile as I try to recall an angry Lily. She does kind of look like a little monster, but I find it more adorable than frightening.

I know how embarrassed she must feel and it floods me, seizing my ability to even form words right now.

I want someone to tell me what’s right. To put me on the correct path. I don’t want to keep making bad decisions.