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When we catch ourselves punishing others in any way, whether deliberately and overtly or unconsciously and subtly, it is a warning that something other than God is ruling our hearts.
God calls us to identify and confess our idols one by one and then cooperate with him as he steadily removes them bit by bit from our hearts.
When you find yourself in conflict, work backwards through the progression of an idol to identify the desires that are controlling your heart.
How am I punishing others? How am I judging others? What am I demanding to have? What is the root desire of that demand?
John Piper
“sin is what you do when you are not fully satisfied in God.”
Repentance is the first step in gaining freedom from sin and conflict.
Godly sorrow will not always be accompanied by intense feelings, but it implies a change in thinking, which should lead to changes in behavior.
Another way to avoid responsibility for our sins is to shift the blame to others or to say that they made us act the way we did.
Although we may seldom set out deliberately to hurt others with our words, sometimes we do not make much of an effort not to hurt others. We simply say whatever comes to mind without thinking about the consequences. In the process, we may hurt and offend others, which only aggravates conflict.
Sinful words contribute greatly to conflict. Furthermore, they can destroy us from the inside out.
Address Everyone Involved
Avoid If, But, and Maybe
Tony Evans once preached, “If it contains an ‘if ’ it ain’t a confession.”
Admit Specifically
will. One of the most convincing ways to show that you realize you have been morally wrong is to identify the biblical principles you violated.
Acknowledge the Hurt
Accept the Consequences
Alter Your Behavior
Sometimes forgiveness is inhibited because a confession was inadequate.
God does not intend for people to relate to one another at a distance or through other people. Genuine relationship involves personal communication.
I could not consistently weave the gospel into my conversations with others until the gospel was woven deeply into my own heart.
When your soul, your thoughts, and your conversation are saturated with the gospel, it will overflow into other areas of your life, bringing hope and encouragement to others, even if you are talking to them about their need for repentance and change.
Try not to jump to premature conclusions about what others are thinking; give them time and hear them out.
Discipline yourself not to interrupt others while they are speaking.
Learn to be comfortable with silence and do not respond the mome...
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do not offer immediate solutions to every problem oth...
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Reflecting does not require that you agree with what the other person says; it simply reveals whether you comprehend another person’s thoughts and feelings.
When you are trying to show others where they may need to change, your attitude will usually carry more weight than your actual words.
Strong words are more likely to evoke defensiveness and antagonism, and once a conversation takes on this tone, it is difficult to move to a friendlier plane.
The more you engage another’s heart and the less you declare his or her wrongs, the more likely he or she is to listen to you.
It is not good enough to communicate so that you can be understood. You should communicate so clearly that you cannot be misunderstood.
When you are trying to show someone his fault, keep your remarks as objective as possible. While an expression of personal perceptions and feelings may help someone understand your feelings, if you emphasize subjective opinions and judgments too much, you are likely to convey condescension or condemnation. Therefore, use objective facts whenever you can.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes, “Nothing is so cruel as the tenderness that consigns another to his sin. Nothing can be more compassionate than the severe rebuke that calls a brother back from the path of sin.”
not. Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is an act of the will.
To forgive someone means to release him or her from liability to suffer punishment or penalty.
Through forgiveness God tears down the walls that our sins have built, and he opens the way for a renewed relationship with him.
Forgiveness does not automatically release a wrongdoer from all the consequences of sin.
When he does allow certain consequences to remain, it is always to teach us and others not to sin again.
Pat Morison notes in his excellent booklet on forgiveness, “We are not called to forgive others in order to earn God’s love; rather, having experienced his love, we have the basis and motive to forgive others.”
to be reconciled means to replace hostility and separation with peace and friendship.
Reconciliation requires that you give a repentant person an opportunity to demonstrate repentance and regain your trust.
unless a deliberate effort is made to restore and strengthen a relationship, it will generally deteriorate.
C. S. Lewis noted, “Don’t waste time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.”
When you need to negotiate, PAUSE.
Prepare
Affirm relati...
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Understand in...
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Search for creative ...
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Evaluate options objectively an...
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