through metamessages. If you try to name a frame, you indirectly invoke a different one. Sometimes we feel put down by others’ apparent kindness because their concern entails a subtle and unflattering reframing of our worlds. When stated and perceived frames conflict, we feel hamstrung, caught in what Bateson called a double bind. To deal with reframing that makes us uncomfortable, we can tackle the problem directly, by meta-communicating, or indirectly, by counter-reframing. Many of us instinctively stay in the frames set by others; some of us instinctively resist them. The best approach is
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