All of these responses, natural to men, are unexpected to women, who interpret them in terms of their own habits— negatively. When Tom comments on side issues or cracks jokes, Dora thinks he doesn’t care about what she’s saying and isn’t really listening. If he challenges her reading of what went on, she feels he is criticizing her and telling her she’s crazy, when what she wants is to be reassured that she’s not. If he tells her how to solve the problem, it makes her feel as if she’s the patient to his doctor—a metamessage of condescension, echoing male one-upmanship compared to the female
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Oooo that! I felt that deep in my chest
