In a dinner-table conversation I taped and studied among Chad and David and Jonathan and Nora, Chad and David kept stumbling and stalling. One of the reasons, I discovered in the study, was the loud responses they were getting from Jonathan and Nora—responses that, ironically, were intended to encourage them. For example, Chad made a point and Nora yelled, loud and fast, “WOW!” and Jonathan exclaimed, “OH, MY GOD!” They were using loudness and fast pace to show that they were really listening, that they got the point, and that it was a point well worth getting. But instead of encouraging Chad,
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That happens to me and my friend, Leila. She keeps stumbling because i keep signaling her that I'm listening and am invested in whatever she's saying.
