Gregory Bateson pointed out that people often fail to distinguish between the map and the territory: the real thing and the thing that represents it symbolically. If we identify strongly with our home, our clothing, our partners, or the restaurant we chose, then criticism aimed at them feels like criticism of us. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it isn’t. It’s important to remember that the map is not the territory: Some people freely aim arrows at external objects with which people identify, yet they have no intention of wounding people. Quite the contrary, aiming criticism out can be an
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