The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You

by Elaine N. Aron

All HSPs, men or women, are more aware of what other people are feeling, what they want and need. Thanks to your spontaneous deep processing, you also can sense what will happen if others don’t receive what they need—they may suffer, fail at what they want to do, become angry with you, feel disappointed with you. And being more sensitive, when they feel bad, you will be bothered too—far more than others. So, you tend to try to give everyone what they want, for your own sake as well as theirs. HSWs in particular are also taught by our culture to take care of others—as mothers, sisters, wives, friends. Except suddenly the rules have changed. Considerate women can be called “codependent.” And so as an HSW you may be accepting yet another reason to be ashamed of your natural inclinations. For HSMs, the issue is that “real men” are expected to have overly rigid boundaries—to pay little attention to others’ needs, their emotional needs especially. At the same time, men are expected to meet the needs of women in particular—especially their need to be protected. It’s that impossible contradiction again. No matter how overwhelmed a man is himself, he must perform. But in what way?