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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
John Gray
Relationships do not have to be such a struggle. Only when we do not understand one another is there tension, resentment, or conflict.
To feel better, women talk about past problems, future problems, potential problems, even problems that have no solutions.
The secret of forming a successful relationship is for both partners to win.
Unclear and unloving communication is the biggest problem in relationships.
A woman’s ability to give and receive love in her relationships is generally a reflection of how she is feeling about herself.
But to expect her loving nature to be constant is like expecting the weather never to change and the sun to shine all the time.
Likewise in a relationship, men and women have their own rhythms and cycles. Men pull back and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others.
Men primarily need trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement. Women primarily need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance.
Remember that feelings don't always make sense right away, but they're still valid and deserve empathy.
The secret of empowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him.
the closer we are to someone, the easier it is to bruise or be bruised.
The secret to avoiding arguments is loving and respectful communication.
It is not what we say that hurts but how we say it.
It takes two to argue, but it only takes one to stop an argument.
Emotional pain comes from not feeling loved, and when a person is feeling emotional pain it is hard to be loving.
Just as women need validation, men need approval.
Once the hurt is there it needs to be heard if it is to be healed.
A major source of love for a man is the loving reaction that a woman has to his behavior.
by exploring, feeling, and expressing your negative feelings they lose their power and positive feelings reemerge.
The success of a relationship is solely dependent on two factors: a man’s ability to listen lovingly and respectfully to a woman’s feelings, and a woman’s ability to share her feelings in a loving and respectful way.
Even though we have all been programmed to hide our feelings and react defensively and not lovingly, we can retrain ourselves. There is great hope.
Many people grow up too quickly because they reject and suppress their feelings.
The process of learning requires not only hearing and applying but also forgetting and then remembering again.
Education theory states that to learn something new we need to hear it two hundred times.
