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by
John Gray
mistakes we make in relating to the opposite sex: men mistakenly offer solutions and invalidate feelings while women offer unsolicited advice and direction.
Martians have a win/lose philosophy—I want to win, and I don’t care if you lose.
Being in love, they wanted the Venusians to win as much as themselves.
If I seek to fulfill my own needs at the expense of my partner, we are sure to experience unhappiness, resentment, and conflict. The secret of forming a successful relationship is for both partners to win.
Love Motivates Martians
“Needing” is openly reaching out and asking for support from a man in a trusting manner, one that assumes that he will do his best. This empowers him. “Neediness,” however, is desperately needing support because you don’t trust you will get it. It pushes men away and makes them feel rejected and unappreciated.
A man appears most uncaring when he is afraid.
One of the big challenges for men is correctly to interpret and support a woman when she is talking about her feelings. The biggest challenge for women is correctly to interpret and support a man when he isn’t talking.
When negative feelings are suppressed positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies. Avoiding arguments and fights certainly is healthy but not by suppressing feelings.
Telling a woman she shouldn’t feel hurt is about the worst thing a man can say. It hurts her even more, like poking a stick into an open wound.
Men primarily need trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, and encouragement. Women primarily need caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance.
discuss the pros and cons of something.
When you are able to share your upset feelings in a loving way, it becomes much easier for your partner to support you in return.
