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I wished I felt the way he looked, well-rested and energetic. His blue eyes were clear and bright upon me, a slash of sunlight painting white-blond highlights over the crown of his head. Cameron, I remembered, before confirming by darting a look at his name tag. I’d had him as a server a couple of other times and liked him. He was quick with a smile that read as genuine rather than forced. And he gave great service.
“What if you suck the wrong dick next time you’re at the howdy hole?” Jesse widened his eyes dramatically. I gaped at him. “What the fuck? Is howdy hole the trendy name for a glory hole?” Jesse pursed his lips and booped me on the nose. “No. I made it up, but it should be. Howdy hole is friendlier. Inviting like a handshake. But with dicks.” When I stopped wheezing with laughter, I said, “I wouldn’t suck the wrong dick, though. I’d know his dick anywhere.” He put a hand over his heart and batted his lashes. “That’s so romantic.”
Professor Lusk was my glory hole guy. My glory hole guy was Professor Lusk. I had sucked my professor’s dick. My professor had sucked mine. And I had really fucking liked it. I had to tell him. Wait, no, that was literally the worst idea ever. Fuck.
I was fucking around with my own student. A student I was already attracted to.
“Did you send Paul away because he was flirting with me and you didn’t like it? I saw you look over.” Christ, the guy’s bluntness kept catching me off guard. “No, I…” I took a breath. “He’s supposed to be helping you with class, not trying to get into your pants.” Cameron arched a brow. Then, he plucked his paper from my hands and stood, shoving his things in his pack. “What if I don’t mind the idea of him in my pants?” I bit back the obvious question. The question he seemed to anticipate if the way his mouth hooked at one corner was any indication. “Are you jealous, Professor?”
“Of course you’re a fucking great kisser,” Cameron breathed, echoing my exact thoughts before sealing his mouth to mine again.
Jesus, if this was what frotting felt like with him, I couldn’t even begin to imagine fucking him.
“I wanted to suck your cock.” His lips tipped up in a grin. “I wanted you to want it as badly as I did, wanted you to bend me over your desk and fuck me until I couldn’t catch my breath.” I studied his face, the feverish hunger in his eyes, wondering if mine reflected the same. “Unzip me and pull out my cock,” I told him, leaning back in the chair. “Get it wet, suck it until I can’t stand it anymore.”
“I want to taste you before I fuck you.” “Oh shit,” he whispered. “I mean, yes, please. Whatever you want, Professor.”
“Everyone’s a little fucked-up. Personally, I’ve always thought there were two nonnegotiable truths in life: no one gets out alive, and no one comes into adulthood without a few broken parts.”
Sometimes it felt like their kind of love was a cage I’d outgrown and yet I still squeezed into every time we were in proximity.
“No amount of church counselors, Bible studies, recruitment initiatives disguised as support groups, or prayer, are going to turn me back into the son you keep wishing for. He never existed.”
“You’re magnetic to me, too, you know. I really fucking like you,” I whispered. “I really like you, too, baby.” We said it frequently to each other, lately. So frequently that I wondered, sometimes, if Grady was like me, a tongue slip away from “like” turning into “love.” Sometimes the way that he gazed back at me, as he did then, made me think he was.
Regardless of the nature of human behavior, choosing you remains the best decision I’ve ever made. With love, Grady”
So as we started forward into the unknown, I knew that even if we didn’t reach the elusive center, we’d already won.
