Teach Me (Extracurricular Activities, #4)

by Neve Wilder

The gruff moans and soft praise coming from the other side of the stall satisfied a craving I hadn’t even realized I’d had. It wasn’t just that I missed touching and being touched, I missed pleasing someone, feeling wanted.

His easy laughter was as inviting as the humor in his eyes.

I wanted to help people try to figure out who they really were and what they really wanted out of life, help those struggling break through the coded messages they’d been receiving all of their lives. My primary problem hadn’t been pills. The pills were a shitty solution to a larger struggle, which had been merging my sexuality into my reality and unraveling my own internalized homophobia.

I lapped at the tip of his thumb, and he pressed it against my teeth, the inside of my cheeks, my tongue, like we’d been lovers for years and he knew exactly what I wanted. I could’ve sworn I heard an approving hum as I gently nipped the tip.

When I stopped wheezing with laughter, I said, “I wouldn’t suck the wrong dick, though. I’d know his dick anywhere.” He put a hand over his heart and batted his lashes. “That’s so romantic.”

An icy sensation gripped my chest, like I’d accidentally swallowed a whole menthol lozenge. No fucking way.

Professor Lusk was my glory hole guy. My glory hole guy was Professor Lusk. I had sucked my professor’s dick. My professor had sucked mine. And I had really fucking liked it. I had to tell him. Wait, no, that was literally the worst idea ever. Fuck.

My mind was a sheet of ice in Siberia, no coherent thoughts on the horizon, just an endless blank field of white.

The realization dawned on me like a spike to the gut.

“You’re frustrating.” “I’m direct. Sometimes to a fault, I’m starting to think.” Cameron licked his plump lips, and I caught a glimpse of hesitation in his eyes before he came around the desk to stand beside my chair. Having him tower over me was unnerving and riveting at once. He was such an odd combination of vulnerability and brashness. “What do you want right now? If you tell me to go, I’ll take you at your word and do it, and I’ll never bring it up again.” I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my hands over my face. What I wanted was to touch him again, without a wall between us, wanted to revel in the strange chemistry of him: the bold and the tentative.

Beneath the miasmic swirl of my thoughts was the irrefutable fact that I wanted Cameron, too. Badly. And I knew he knew it. But I couldn’t have him.

“So fucking sexy,” he whispered. “So fucking good.” The praise rolled through me, a dizzying, intangible kind of gratification I’d not experienced. I was almost certain no one I’d hooked up with before had ever spoken to me this way, so tender and confident at once.

“So, Professor.” I sank back against the wall of the little utility building, unsure of how to finish. A current of tension still ran between us, but now there was an additional layer of awkwardness. I had no idea what came next. “Grady,” he corrected me, not unkindly. “Grady,” I echoed softly. It was both odd and comforting to call him by his first name. His fingers traced the contours of my face, one thumb brushing away strands of hair that had fallen against my forehead. The tenderness in his touch was unexpected, and it melted away the fear inside of me, leaving behind rough fragments of raw vulnerability. “This can’t happen again, you realize,” he murmured low, the words gentle but firm. I nodded, light-headed with post-orgasm adrenaline still coursing through me, because what the hell else was I supposed to do? Disagree?

I leaned against the tile, groaning as I ran my hands through my hair, pulling gently at the roots while I throbbed with unfulfilled wants that grew more difficult to ignore each day. In frustration, I turned the cold tap on full blast and stood under the deluge until every thought in my mind evaporated beneath a shock of icy spray.

I wanted a glass of whiskey, a comfy chair, and a book.

“Go lock the door.” I slid my chair back from my desk. “Then come here.”

When he licked his lips, I couldn’t help but imagine them painted with my cum.

I spread my legs wider and grasped Cameron by the thighs, pulling him closer.

Fuck me, he was using his teacher voice, and I was a total slut for it.

“Listen to me, baby,” I said, surprised that the endearment fell so easily from my lips, though it felt right somehow. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of where sex is concerned. If it’s consensual between two adults, there are no limits, no parameters, no fantasies or desires too perverted. Sex should be anything you want it to be. Fun, intense, fantastical. Dirty, sweet, loving. Any combination or adjective in between. There should be no gatekeeping on how someone chooses to express their sexuality or get off, aside from a consenting partner—which, I think we’ve determined, I very much am.”

“Everyone’s a little fucked-up. Personally, I’ve always thought there were two nonnegotiable truths in life: no one gets out alive, and no one comes into adulthood without a few broken parts.”

Home was a tomb of unspoken words, stifling expectations, and perpetual concern that I was about to fuck up again.

One night, two nights, ten, twenty. I lost count, I lost time, I lost myself—whoever that had been in the first place.

“This is ridiculous, you know that?” he said, eyeing the spread. I shrugged. “Sometimes ridiculous is exactly what you need.”

“You’ve grown and evolved, but sometimes those who’ve known us the longest struggle to see past the image they’ve held on to for years.”

“You’re much more than that, sweetheart. I hope you know that. You’re smart, witty, empathetic, thoughtful, determined, breathtakingly gorgeous…”

This was no light conversation; it was an excavation of truth and hurt, dug from the raw bedrock of Cameron’s past, and I couldn’t deny a part of me felt honored he trusted me enough to share it.

“How about you stay here tonight?” I hated the idea of him going home to an empty house, all his roommates off on their vacations and him left to wrestle with all of this alone. Perhaps more selfishly, I also relished the idea of sharing a bed with him. Going to sleep and waking up next to him, regardless of whether we had sex or not. We’d never done that before. I wasn’t even sure he’d agree. Cam seemed surprised, but not unpleasantly so. His eyes were wide as he studied my face, perhaps looking for a hint of insincerity. “Stay here? Like…overnight?” “Exactly like overnight,” I affirmed with an encouraging nod as I squeezed his hand reassuringly. “No expectations, Cameron. Just company. Just you and me.” A shy smile curled around the edges of his lips, dimpling his cheeks irresistibly, and the flame of hope in his eyes melted me. “That sounds nice.” I returned his smile with relief, contentment washing over me. There was something else, too, undeniable and looming—a silent undercurrent of anticipation that was as delicious as it was intimidating. I’d not had anyone stay the night in over a year, hadn’t wanted anyone to, but now I was practically leaping at the prospect of Cameron in my bed, eager for the kind of intimacy I’d never assumed we’d have.

I took my time when his hand fell away, exploring his shape—the firm, plump head, the thick shaft. Just thinking about his cock inside me left me breathless, imagining how it would stretch me, remembering that sensation of being so full that there was no room for anything else, no other thought besides friction, besides pleasure, besides orgasm. I’d almost always topped, but I suddenly wanted, needed to feel him inside me. The desire hit me with the force of an anvil dropped from a roof.

“I want you to fuck me,” I rasped out. Cameron lifted his head to give me a wide-eyed gaze. “Really? I kinda figured you—but yeah. Fuck yeah. Absolutely. I’d love to.” It came out in a rush, and then he burst into laughter that struck me as adorably self-conscious. “I’ve never done that with another man before. Or anyone, actually.”

“I’m serious. I’m gonna lose it.” “I thought you had the age and stamina advantage here.” I glanced up to see Cameron’s lower lip pinched between his teeth. I pressed my lips together to tame the smile trying to break loose at how hard he was working to keep his composure. It felt so damn good to make him react the way he was. There was a thrilling power in it that I couldn’t resist.

A handful of seconds passed, and nothing happened. I had expected to feel Cameron’s weight as he sank onto the bed behind me or straddled me. Craning a look over my shoulder, I found him standing there frozen, one hand loosely gripping his cock as he stared down at me. Oh god, did he not want to fuck me now? Was it too much? “Everything okay?” “Fuck.” Cameron let out a laugh that sounded tinny. “I’m so damn nervous. God, this is embarrassing. I feel like such a noob. And then you spread out over the bed, and you’re so…and the way you dried me off like you actually… It’s just…nice. Really fucking nice.” He drew in a deep breath and shook his head. “Ignore me. I really want this, and I want to make you feel so good that I’m stressing myself out about it.” I sat up in the bed, twisting around and moving to the edge so I could wrap my hands around Cameron’s waist as I looked up and told him, “I don’t want to ignore you. I don’t think I could even if I did want to. And you’re already making me feel good just standing there.” I leaned forward and kissed his hip, the top of one thigh and then the other. Cameron sighed, his fingertips drifting through my hair and sending an eager shiver running down the back of my neck. “I’m ready now, I think,” Cameron whispered. “So ready.” I lay back down on my stomach, and this time, Cameron followed after me, kissing up my calves and the backs of my thighs, trailing a light touch over my ass cheeks. “I can’t wait to feel you around me,” he sa...

“That’s perfect, baby, absolutely perfect.”

“You’re magnetic to me, too, you know. I really fucking like you,” I whispered. “I really like you, too, baby.” We said it frequently to each other, lately. So frequently that I wondered, sometimes, if Grady was like me, a tongue slip away from “like” turning into “love.” Sometimes the way that he gazed back at me, as he did then, made me think he was.

I fucking loved this. The sex, the time we spent together, the impulsiveness he brought out in me. I was starting to get the idea that it was just him I loved. Everything about him. The thought felt both dangerous and alluring, scratching at the corners of my mind, echoing in the chambers of my heart. Because if it was true, I had no fucking clue what came next.

I watched him with a rueful ache. Fuck, I cared for this man too much. I kept thinking I’d get tired of him or maybe some of the shine would wear off, but every layer we peeled back from each other left me wanting more. I wondered if he felt the same.

Silence stretched between us for a few beats. Downstairs, I heard the TV come on, the murmur of voices. All of it was comforting. Mark next to me, the din of the house, being surrounded by people who’d let me back in after I’d hurt them, gave me a chance to redeem myself. Graduation was weeks away, and in the midst of my heartache with Grady, nostalgia tinged with sadness filled me, knowing that they’d all be moving on soon, too. Even though we had the house until the end of August, it felt like the energy had already shifted, like a change of seasons. I could feel it all coming to a close. “I’m gonna miss this,” I whispered and swiped at the warmth trekking down my cheeks. “Me too.” Mark’s cool fingers found mine on the bed and threaded through them. “C’mere.” I scooted closer to him, and we shifted around until he was spooning me. “Since when did you become a cuddler?” “Dunno.” I felt Mark’s shoulder hitch against my back. “Somewhere between living with Sam and getting together with Chet. It’s nice, yeah?” “Yeah.” He smelled good, familiar, and a memory flashed behind my eyelids of the first time I’d met him, his welcoming grin, and then the frat house the day we’d moved in, how he’d flung himself on one of the tiny twin beds and told me to take whichever one I wanted, all the parties he’d invited me to freshman year, infinitely cooler than I was, all the times he’d picked me up when I needed him to, the bottles of water he’d leave beside my bed, the dim memory of waking...

Regardless of the nature of human behavior, choosing you remains the best decision I’ve ever made.

“It’s just that the house is so quiet.” “I’m sure a man of your intellect isn’t scared of a little quiet,” I teased. “Scared, no.” A small smile played over his lips. “Just very cognizant of the sounds that filled it before. And missing them very much.”

I flopped back down on my pillow, holding the phone above my head and praying I didn’t drop it on my face like I had a couple of times before when Grady and I spoke. It would have been more humiliating if we hadn’t laughed so fucking hard afterward that it made it worth the bruised ego and forehead.

“I love you, Cameron. Now, get up and get moving. Can’t be late to your own graduation.” “I’ve got hours.” I chuckled and then said, more solemnly, “I miss you. I’ll wave at you when I get onstage.” No sooner had I hung up than a cacophonous roar erupted from the hallway outside my room. “Cam! Wake up! It’s graduation day!” Sam’s voice boomed, accompanied by the sound of feet pounding the stairs, and then my bedroom door flung wide. “Jesse’s making you a special breakfast. Also, good morning.” I cracked up. “Dude, how much caffeine have you had this morning?” “It’s my pre-workout.” Sam flashed me a wild grin and made a show of flexing one of his huge biceps. “C’mon, or I’ll fireman carry you downstairs. Jesse gave me strict instructions not to come back without you.” “Alright, alright,” I groused with affection. “I’m up.” I swung my legs out of bed, catching sight of my cap and gown, hanging in front of my closet and ready to be worn to the ceremony later. Seeing them stirred up all kinds of emotions in me, but mostly pride that I’d made it. That I’d set out to do something, and I’d fucking done it, regardless of the obstacles I’d encountered along the way. I followed Sam down the stairs toward the kitchen, still wiping sleep from my eyes, and then froze in the doorway. Standing in the kitchen were my roommates and best friends. All of them. Nate and Eric, Sam and Jesse, Chet and Mark. Even Ansel, who had left right after graduating on some cross-country running tour and w...

A phone screen was a poor substitute for reality, though, and always left me longing for him. My desire for Cameron was a hunger that hadn’t diminished. Not even a little bit. I’d missed him immensely and often over the summer. Not just the sensation of his body next to mine or kissing him, but the quirks of his personality, our tangent-prone conversations, and seeing the brilliant arc of his smile in person.

I pressed my hands to the sides of his face and murmured, “Congratulations,” before kissing him. “Goddamn, I’m so incredibly proud of you.”

“It’s an easy drive from your place⁠—” “Our,” I corrected him, joy flooding me at saying it aloud. “Our place,” he agreed easily. The wattage on his grin notched higher. “It’s an easy drive from our place. Like thirty-five minutes. I already test-drove it. God, I love saying ‘our place.’” “I love hearing you say it.” I wondered when I’d become such a sap, but I couldn’t seem to help it either. He had that effect on me.

The next morning, after we’d messed up the bed all over again and then grabbed breakfast and coffee from Buzz, I drove Cameron over to the Enigma maze. “Jesus Christ, it’s even bigger in person—don’t make a joke about that.” He side-eyed me as I laughed. “But seriously, I have my doubts about this, even as a team.” I grinned and grabbed his hand. “Ready to get lost?” “With you, Professor? Anytime.” As we stepped into the maze, hand in hand, undaunted by the twists and turns, I felt an overwhelming sense of reassurance in Cameron’s presence, a silent promise that together, we’d be able to conquer whatever lay ahead of us, no matter how uncertain the path. It dawned on me that the real magic of this maze wasn’t beating it but being able to experience its twists and turns with Cameron by my side. Like life, each dead end and every unexpected obstacle was another opportunity for us to lean on each other and grow stronger. It was about relishing the journey with the man I loved. So as we started forward into the unknown, I knew that even if we didn’t reach the elusive center, we’d already won.