The Chimp Paradox: The Acclaimed Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness

by Steve Peters

It is important to note that although male and female Chimps differ considerably, male and female Humans do NOT differ very much at all. There is also a great overlap between the characteristics of the male and female Chimps.

in men the right amygdala (an emotional centre in the brain) has more right-sided brain connections. Whereas in women the left amygdala has more left-sided brain connections. This helps us to understand where a lot of our emotions come from.

The main female hormone, oestrogen, functions to promote maternal drives, nesting instinct and passivity. The main male hormone, testosterone, gives a high sex drive, aggression and builds muscle.

The Humanity Centre is based on ethics and morals and is the part of the brain in the Human that lights up on a brain scanner when we show the characteristics of what it takes to live in a society. So, for example, when people show empathy or guilt this Centre will light up because it receives an increased blood supply and uses more oxygen to function. This demonstrates that it is activated. This Centre contains the unwritten rules of Humanity.

The basis of society is compassion. An empathy and understanding of what others are going through and altruistic, selfless support for them are the hallmarks of a developed society. How human society treats its most vulnerable members sets us apart from most animal societies.

Having a conscience is a cornerstone for a Human. Without a conscience, we lack remorse and fail to develop ourselves. The presence of a conscience gives rise to feelings of guilt and shame, which can lead to regret and the desire to change or to make recompense. Interestingly, much research has been done on the personality generally known as the psychopath. There is a substantial body of scientific evidence to show that the psychopathic individual does not demonstrate the activation, or possibly lacks the presence, of the Humanity Centre. The individual therefore effectively has no conscience.

Self-control is probably the biggest factor that marks us out from the chimpanzee. The real chimpanzee works on impulse and lacks emotional control. These two factors are arguably the two main factors that keep a real chimpanzee in the jungle. Humans have the potential to control impulse and emotion that the inner Chimp is throwing at them. The inner Chimp has little self-control and demands immediate gratification whereas Humans can delay rewards and can choose not to work with impulse and emotion.

Managing your impulsive, emotional Chimp as an adult will be one of the biggest factors determining how successful you are in life.

Humans work best when they have a sense of purpose. It doesn’t seem to matter what it is, as long as there is one! Without a sense of purpose the Human lacks direction and meaning to life.

These are two qualities that the Human seems to be fulfilled by. Generally, achievement and satisfaction are dependent on the sense of purpose. They can come from a career, work or leisure activities.

Most people can recognise that when they are not emotional but calm, they think and behave quite differently to when they are emotional and under stress.

The Chimp is an emotional machine that will hijack you, if you allow it to. It is not good or bad: it is a Chimp. It can be your best friend or your worst enemy. This is The Chimp Paradox.

The amount of time you spend reflecting on how your mind is operating, the more likely it is that you will improve your future functioning.

There are some typical Chimp phrases worth watching out for that will give away when it is thinking for you. ‘But what if…?’ ‘But what if…?’ is the Chimp’s favourite way to open a question. ‘But what if it goes wrong?’ ‘But what if I can’t do it?’ ‘But what if the sky falls down?’ The Chimp very often unsettles you with ‘what if’ questions. Occasionally the Human asks ‘what if’ questions but these are usually constructive in order to plan rather than useless worrying about things that often can’t be controlled or may not even happen.

‘But I feel…’ or ‘But I don’t feel…’ ‘But I feel tired so I won’t do it.’ ‘But I feel lacking in motivation therefore I can’t start.’ ‘But I feel concerned that bad things might happen.’ The list is endless. Basically the Chimp is going on its feelings and then suggesting how you should act or what will happen because of those feelings. Again, the Human may agree with the feelings that the Chimp is offering when they are logical and wise. For example, if you have come down with a flu bug then it is probably wise to say, ‘But I feel unwell so I had better not start digging the garden.

Remember that Chimps like to go on how they feel to decide on future actions, whereas Humans tend to go on what needs to be done and also how they will feel at the end of the day when they look back on how they used their time. These are two very different approaches

Willpower is not a good way to try and manage your Chimp – don’t arm-wrestle the Chimp!

So when you go about your daily routine the Chimp continually scans for danger and if it perceives any threat, or gets worried or concerned, then it refuses to release control of your thinking. It now works with emotion to deal with the situation. You, the Human, can recognise this but are often powerless to do anything because your Chimp hijacks you and you are left with unpleasant emotions. We can see this happen on a brain scanner with the blood supply being used by the Chimp and the Human trying to get control. The inner battle between Chimp and Human is on! The Chimp is five times as strong as the Human so the Human has no chance if it is just a battle of strength.

Either you or your Chimp will make the decisions in your life. If you both agree then there will be peace. When you don’t agree with the Chimp, then it typically attacks you and the attack can be emotionally very painful. Managing this struggle is critical to happiness and success.

Part of the problem is that most people don’t realise that the Chimp is merely making an offer and not a command. You do not have to follow your emotions; you have a choice.

Your Chimp – YOUR Responsibility AND ACCOUNTABILITY!

Remember: you can’t use your Chimp as an excuse. If you had a dog and it bit someone, you couldn’t just say, ‘Sorry but it was the dog, not me.’ You are responsible for the dog and its actions.

You can’t change the nature of your Chimp BUT you are responsible for managing it.

A crucial step in Mind Management is accepting that your Chimp’s fundamental drives do not change. You can’t change the nature of the Chimp that you are working with. It is an emotional machine that is never going to be programmed differently. Your Chimp will always act on drives and according to its nature, with emotions and actions such as aggression, neurosis or impulsivity. With the eating drive, for example, you have to accept the Chimp wants to eat and you are always going to have that drive and associated emotions. It is not about trying to remove the drive or battle with it using willpower. It is about accepting and working with the drive. This can be done by smiling, relaxing and employing Chimp Management. You can then use the drive as you want to and not how the Chimp wants to. So rather than trying to change the Chimp you need to manage its emotions and impulses by recognising what it needs and how it works. This means you may always experience thoughts and feelings from the Chimp that you don’t welcome. Your Chimp will mature and it will learn some basic behaviours but its drives remain the same.

There are two aspects to working with the Chimp: nurturing the Chimp and managing the Chimp, and they have to be addressed in that order.

This is a really important point so please think carefully about it. If you have a Chimp that is well looked after by being nurtured and having all its needs met, then it is very likely that this happy little animal will not cause you any trouble. This makes managing it very easy. If you do not look after your Chimp then it is very likely that it will kick off at any time and cause you a lot of pain. Nurturing and managing the Chimp is an emotional skill, and will take time and commitment to develop and maintain it.

Nurturing the Chimp If you meet the needs of the Chimp first then the Chimp is in a position where you can talk to it and it will listen. For example, if your Chimp is insecure, you need to make it feel secure so that it is in a position to be managed. If you have an aggressive and dominating Chimp, doing something simple like playing a sport can be a socially acceptable way to fulfil this primitive drive of dominance behaviour. The main drives and needs of the Chimp are unique to your Chimp but for most Chimps these are a combination of power, territory, ego, dominance, sex, food, troop, security, inquisitiveness and parental drives. These are common examples, so let’s look at a couple of them.

chimpanzees that have their own territory will feel more secure and relaxed. Our inner Chimp no longer has a jungle area to live in but will search out the equivalent in our society.

The territorial drive doesn’t have to be just at home or physical. It can be at work too, and psychological. Chimps get frustrated if they feel that others are encroaching on their area of responsibility, such as a job role. At the most primitive level, experiments have shown that we can even get upset or feel encroached upon by someone just sitting at a table with us. An experiment had two people sitting at either side of the table and then one would deliberately move their belongings so that they were over the invisible halfway mark in the middle of the table. The second person, who was not aware of the nature of the experiment, would show signs of agitation that this person was invading their area. Clearly there are no lines drawn onto the table but our Chimps instinctively draw them up for us. The Chimp also receives support from the Human by the laws of etiquette, where the unwritten law is that everyone should have equal amounts of the table. Therefore the Chimp, with possible Human support, will become agitated and potentially react.

The territorial instinct can still be applicable in today’s world and it is not good or bad. What you have to decide is whether you need to apply this instinct or whether it is not applicable to the situation or out of perspective. Once you have recognised the need for the Chimp to have this territory then you can help the Chimp by

establishing it in a civilised way. This way, the Chimp will be happy and you can get on without it pestering you. The important point is to recognise the Chimp’s needs and to look after it. Therefore, establishing a sensible territory for the Chimp that is compatible with the society in which we live is the way forward. Hence, establishing our homes and jobs is very reassuring to the Chimp.

This is the method for fulfilling many of the Chimp drives. First: recognise that the drive is present and then find a solution that will make the Chimp feel fulfilled and happy in a way...

Parental drives are a mixture of drives and instincts. We could look at it as the desire and need to be a parent and the

instinct to protect the offspring.

Chimps like to have praise and recognition from the alpha Chimp (i.e., people they see as important). The Chimp isn’t wrong in wanting this, so although you as a Human do not need praise and recognition from others, your Chimp probably does, so do not let it down.

Managing your Chimp

Exercising the Chimp

If your Chimp is agitated or upset about something, the first thing it has to do is to release this emotion or opinion. This is called ‘Exercising the Chimp’. You must allow it to do this if it is to listen. Allowing the Chimp to express emotion will calm it down and then the Chimp will be able to listen to reason or just go to sleep.

Letting your emotions be expressed inappropriately, in a public place, at the wrong time or in front of the wrong person is like letting your Chimp loose in a supermarket.

Exercising your Chimp in a fenced compound is the equivalent of expressing your emotions in private with the right person. By the right person, I mean someone who recognises that this is just a Chimp letting go and not you.

When the Chimp has finished exercising you will feel better and can then allow your Chimp to go to sleep while you have a conversation that is Human and calm. If someone interrupts the Chimp while it is exercising, it is not likely to listen but will just get more agitated. So if you are listening to someone else’s Chimp then wait until it has finished exercising!

Remember that the Chimp may have some very good points that it is unhappy with and these need to be taken forward by the Human.

The fact is, it may be worth fighting your corner but there is a time when you need to recognise it is not going to work the way you want it to and you must cut your losses. It is a fact that life is not fair.

Sometimes you can’t win. The importance here is to recognise this fact and to accept it. Then you can remind the Chimp about this. Remember that the Chimp is making an OFFER. You the Human have the CHOICE. You can either go with your emotions or you can refuse them and let the Chimp know that you want it to offer some more helpful emotions.

Everyone needs to find the truths that are meaningful and powerful to their Chimp. So some truths will settle one person’s Chimp, whereas other Chimps will need different truths. Again, the important point for you is to find the truths that will settle your Chimp down and make it go into its box and sleep.

It may take several repeat episodes of exercising the Chimp for any one problem before you can box it. You may also need to keep putting the Chimp back into its box several times for any one problem

Also, recall that the Chimp is irrational, which means that it may be unpredictable and sometimes get very anxious for no particular reason, while at other times it may be very calm, again for no particular reason. Don’t try to understand why this is so as the Chimp is not rational and in many cases is not understandable. Just deal with emotion rather than always trying to understand it.

The easiest way of recognising that the Chimp is thinking for you is when either you are becoming emotional or you are calm but have uneasy feelings. Remember that the Chimp offers you its feelings and then you have to decide what to do with them. If you can recognise that the Chimp is using emotional thinking then you can address it with some specific techniques.

Paranoid thoughts can be dealt with by first recognising that you may have an overreacting Chimp offering you ideas that are too sensitive or imaginative. This often happens because the Chimp feels insecure and also hasn’t got the facts, so it fills in the missing gaps. As a first step you can let the Chimp express its paranoid thoughts and then see if they still feel real. If they do, then the Human can search out facts and evidence not only to support the idea (which the Chimp will agree with) but also to dispute the idea. Running this evidence past a friend can help to clarify things. Often when we talk things out a few times the picture becomes clearer. The most important thing is to establish the facts and this usually means approaching the person or people concerned to clarify what is happening in a constructive way. All too often when we have feelings of paranoia or persecution, they disappear rapidly when we ask the right questions in a neutral way and listen to the answers.

A third way to manage the Chimp is to feed it bananas. These are things the Chimp wants that are given either as a distraction or a reward. So there are two types of banana: distractions and rewards. Feeding the Chimp bananas is not a very powerful way to solve problems but in some circumstances they can be a very effective way to manage the Chimp.