The Chimp Paradox: The Acclaimed Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness

by Steve Peters

It is the first day of school and the young child is full of emotion. The teacher says to the child, ‘Let’s paint a picture for your parents.’ After painting the picture the child runs home to show the parent. As the child runs up to the parent, the parent says, ‘What is that you’ve got?’ The child hands over the painting. The parent responds, ‘This picture is fantastic, you are very clever, I am so proud of you, I want the world to know just how good you are,’ and then puts the picture on the fridge door for all the world to see just how clever the child is. What has happened is that the child now has a great big Goblin to share life with! Let’s look at the same scenario with a different approach. The child returns from school with the painting and runs to the parent. The parent responds with, ‘Hang on,’ and moves the painting to one side and hugs the child. Then the parent says, ‘I am so proud of you and you are clever and I want the world to know just how proud I am of you.’ ‘Now, what is this that you have got?’ The parent and child now have a discussion about the painting and the parent compliments the painting and the child, and asks the child if they would like to put it on the fridge door because it is pretty. In the first scenario what the parent did was to tell the child that it was clever and that the parent was proud of it because of what the child had achieved. In other words, implying that the child’s worth is dependent on the painting. Then the parent went o...