Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder

by Edward M. Hallowell

We often see the following cycle in couples where one member has ADD: In order to interrupt the cycle, one needs not only to treat the ADD but also to address the feelings of anger the non-ADD spouse harbors. Those angry feelings may have built up quite a head of pressure over the years and it may take more than a few weeks or months for them to subside. If the non-ADD spouse has been running the ship for years, feeling unsupported and overlooked all the while, then that person is bound to feel angry. Simply saying “Well, I have ADD” will not make the anger go away. In fact, it may make it worse. The spouse may feel doubly angry finding out, after all these years, that there was a reason for the disorganization and distractibility, a medical condition that was going untreated. “You mean all this suffering has been unnecessary?” one spouse exclaimed. “Now I really want to kill him.”