The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness

by Jonathan Haidt

No smartphones before high school. Parents should delay children’s entry into round-the-clock internet access by giving only basic phones (phones with limited apps and no internet browser) before ninth grade (roughly age 14). No social media before 16. Let kids get through the most vulnerable period of brain development before connecting them to a firehose of social comparison and algorithmically chosen influencers. Phone-free schools. In all schools from elementary through high school, students should store their phones, smartwatches, and any other personal devices that can send or receive texts in phone lockers or locked pouches during the school day.

That is the only way to free up their attention for each other and for their teachers. Far more unsupervised play and childhood independence. That’s the way children naturally develop social skills, overcome anxiety, and become self-governing young adults.

Don’t waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people—unless it affects the common good. It will keep you from doing anything useful. You’ll be too preoccupied with what so-and-so is doing, and why, and what they’re saying, and what they’re thinking, and what they’re up to, and all the other things that throw you off and keep you from focusing on your own mind.[20]

the 1959 United Nations Declaration of the Rights of the Child named play as a basic human right: “The child shall have full opportunity for play and recreation, which should be directed to the same purposes as education.”[11]

Discover mode (BAS) Scan for opportunities Kid in a candy shop Think for yourself Let me grow! Defend mode (BIS) Scan for dangers Scarcity mindset Cling to your team Keep me safe!

As the Stoics and Buddhists taught long ago, happiness cannot be reached by eliminating all “triggers” from life; rather, happiness comes from learning to deprive external events of the power to trigger negative emotions in you.

“The cost of a thing is the amount of . . . life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.”[16]

As for our children, if we want awe and natural beauty to play a larger role in their lives, we need to make deliberate efforts to bring them or send them to beautiful natural areas. Without phones.

When we give trust to kids, they soar.

Pretty soon, you’ve got kids trick-or-treating on their own again, and going to the store, and getting themselves to school.

Gopnik says that a better way to think about child rearing is as a gardener. Your job is to “create a protected and nurturing space for plants to flourish.”

But what you do often matters far more than what you say, so watch your own phone habits. Be a good role model who is not giving continuous partial attention to both the phone and the child.

Turn off all screens during family meals and outings.[9]

Turn off screens and remove them from bedrooms 30–60 minutes before bedtime.

You can print out such a card at LetGrow.org that says “I’m not lost or neglected!” and includes your phone number.[11]

Visit CommonSenseMedia.com for guidance on using parental controls.[21]

Leonard Sax, author of Boys Adrift,

Your child’s social media use might be causing problems if: it interferes with their daily routines and commitments, such as school, work, friendships, and extracurricular activities they experience strong cravings to check social media they lie or use deceptive behavior to spend time online they often choose social media over in-person social interactions it prevents them from getting at least eight hours of quality sleep each night it prevents them from engaging in regular physical activity they keep using social media even when they express a desire to stop

One modern-day program to consider is the American Exchange Project.[27]

American Field Service has been sending high school students all over the globe for decades.[28] Teens live with a family and attend the local school. Alternatively, you can host a student from abroad.[29] CISV International, pioneered by the child psychologist Dr. Doris Allen, fosters intercultural friendship through exchanges and other youth programming beginning at age 11. There are CISV chapters in more than 60 countries around the world.[30]

Consider programs that run a month or longer with organizations such as Outward Bound and the National Outdoor Leadership School,

Take a gap year after high school. Many young people go directly to college without any sense of what else is out there. How are they supposed to know what they want to do with their lives—or even whether college is their best option? Let young adults discover more about their interests and about the world. They can get a job and save up money. Travel. Volunteer. They are not damaging their college prospects. They are improving their chances of finding a path they want to pursue, and they are improving their competence at following any path. A gap year is intended not to postpone a young person’s transition to adulthood but rather to accelerate it. It’s a year to build skills, responsibility, and independence. You can find a list of organizations that can help your teen plan a gap year at gapyearassociation.org. Scholarships and subsidies are often available.[33]

“Youth Toolkit” and other resources at the Center for Humane Technology.[34]

There are many excellent organizations that bring parents together around this cause, including Let Grow, Outsideplay, and Fairplay.[5]

See Fairplay, the Center for Humane Technology, Common Sense Media, Screen Strong, and others that I’ll list in the online supplement.[6]

Design It For Us.[7]

AnxiousGeneration.com

anxiousgeneration.com/supplement.

www.afterbabel.com.