Come Undone (The Cityscape, #1)

by Jessica Hawkins

Sometimes it seemed as if everyone was just operating instead of living. Or maybe I was, and it was me who didn’t belong here. Or anywhere. A feeling that’d haunted me for sixteen years.

I’d come out here to catch my breath, not to lose it again.

He said my name as if it belonged to him,

I didn’t want to be that vulnerable to anyone—not even my husband. Especially not my husband. That was how people got hurt.

Every person within a mile radius would know you were mine.”

I’d grown up with a mother whose emotions turned on a dime.

Did he assign her a drink order, too? Make her feel like she belonged to him with just a glance? Did she make it easy for him when I had made it hard?

I’d never seen a smile like that before. It made me want to laugh and hug and kiss him all at once.

You have to get your hands dirty to unearth the good parts.

way. I liked my privacy, the little cage I’d built—not to lock myself in but to keep others out.

“Why do you think I’m pushing you?” he asked. “If I don’t, you’ll never get past that fear.”

Couples didn’t fight as hard as they did, especially toward the end, without love.

“He remembered my name,” Gretchen whisper-squealed. “Because I just said it,” Lucy pointed out.

It wasn’t an entirely unfair assessment, but it was nonetheless painful to hear out loud. I never meant to be cold, just not hot enough to burn those around me.

I tried to get Bill to understand, and he didn’t—would that mean he was right?

what he didn’t know was that I’d worked hard to build these walls around my heart, and nobody, not even him, could bring them down over one lunch.

have everything to give—to the right woman.”

When you’re with me, no other man will ever pay my bill.”

just because you ignore the cracks doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

“What’s happening between us is real. You can run away, but that won’t change anything.”

David leaned down and spoke near my ear. “And if you call me a playboy one more time, Olivia—I’m going to put you over my knee.”

Wanting. I didn’t care what the consequences were, I needed his lips to land on mine. I needed him to quiet the kaleidoscope of butterflies taking over my stomach.

He was so goddamn beautiful. Why did he have to be so beautiful?

I’ll put on a show in front of your friends, at your work, whenever we’re in public. But I’m growing tired of pretending when we’re alone. Don’t tempt me,”

“because when I saw you, I felt like . . . like I’d found something I’d been looking for. And life wouldn’t be so fucking unfair that it was already taken.”

In one slow, measured movement, he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me to him. His other hand rose and raked through my hair, tilting my mouth upward. My eyes fluttered shut. His lips touched mine, and everything else fell away.

I had made the wrong choice. But when? Just now, or years ago? Was I living the wrong life?

Passion always came with pain.

I had no desire to leave the bubble of his protection, but he’d made it clear he didn’t want me around, and getting closer to him wasn’t a good idea on any level. Especially if he intended to cut me out of his life once tonight was over.

“I’m a mess,” I said when he appeared in the mirror behind me. “Yes, you are.” He sighed. “Somehow you still look exquisite.” I rolled my eyes. “Okay. Sure.”

Bill might think I was cold, but fear, pain, beauty, love—I felt it all. It was too much to keep inside, but I didn’t know how to speak it.

“You’re made for me, Olivia. And I’m made for you. If you run away like you’re about to, you’ll always wonder what kind of love we could’ve had.”

“You have to let go of the things you can’t control and know you did your best.

“If I see in your eyes all the things you’re too scared to admit one more time, then it’s on . . . I will fight for you with zero regard for the destruction I leave behind.”

Who in her right mind would leave the safety of land and dive headfirst into treacherous waters?

“Imagine this thing that’s on your mind is a piece of furniture, like a couch.” I frowned. “A couch?” “It’s way too heavy to carry on your own, right? But I’m here to help, knocking at your front door. If you open it for me, I can come in and lift the other side of the couch.”

“Come on, Olivia. You didn’t deal with or move on from anything. You buried it all. You were thirteen, so it’s okay. But it’s time to grow up and face it now.”

I hadn’t considered that my decisions might be reversible.

“I never claimed to be your type.” “Don’t mistake me. You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”

“I can’t be around you anymore because you drive me crazy every second of the day.”

“Even gentlemen have limits, Olivia,” he said, above me. “Even gentlemen like to fuck.”

“I want what he has. All of you. All to myself.”

“You only want what you can’t have.” He took a step forward, our bodies nearly flush. “You think I can’t have you?”

“From the moment we met, you’ve brought warmth to my life.”

Are you going to rescue me from my past, David?”

You have been nothing but vague about your feelings, and I let you have that—but I was always clear about how I feel, and what last night meant to me. And if anything, I’m even more confident this morning.” “Confident about what?” “That you’re mine.”