The Heart of a Mother

by Julie Clark

Exiled until my body no longer betrayed my shame. Forbidden from knowing any of the terms surrounding the adoption. It’s for your own good, and it’s what’s best for the baby.

Choosing adoption as the only alternate happy ending to abortion is a fallacy, because giving up a child is a trauma that happens not only to you but to your child as well.

There were women like me everywhere. The silent ones who’d tried and tried and tried and then quietly gave up. Accepted that hole in their hearts and tried to paper over it with other things.

All my life, I’d made it a point to respect the boundaries of others. But now I could see how easy it was to move that line. And once you’d pushed a boundary, how easy it was to push it a little further. And a little further after that. How simple it was to ignore the word no, especially when it was never actually said.

Parents often had to grapple with tough decisions, doing things their kids might not like because in the long run, it was in their best interests. This felt like one of those moments. I could do what Joanna wanted, or I could do what Joanna needed.

“Look,” I said. “David and I once got help from his parents. Hopefully Joanna will understand that this is what parents do for their kids.”