The Best of All Possible Worlds

by Karen Lord

And was it really Sunday already?

YOU LITERALLY JUST SAID IT WAS SUNDAY AFTERNOON, YOU DAFT FUCK

“He knows he can’t get to me,” I repeated sulkily.

So it makes it okay that he tried. And the fact that he's brainwashing his family is apparently better than them living without him. What great characters.

Zero hour plus one year one month nine days

I don't get these

“I have withdrawn my recommendation that you be removed from the mission team,” she informed him. “I understand now that the circumstances were unusual, and I trust your ability to function in the future.”

WHAT A TWIST except not really because I don't care and there was no hint of this earlier

some of the strangest things come out of Terra—a touch of second sight here, a little miracle there.

So...space magic is a thing now. Cool. Sure. Why not.

the tiny sensors stuck to my various pulse points and nerve nodes and whatchamacallits.

Aren't you a fucking scientist? Biotech something? What the fuck is your job?!

“We require Cygnian as well as Sadiri data to calibrate our readings,” Tarik resumed. “You are the only Cygnian with an operable level of psionic ability on the team. Therefore, you have been assigned to us for testing purposes.”

Single point calibration for a baseline reading, SURE THAT'S GOOD SCIENCE.

easing the medtable from vertical to nearly horizontal with a swiftness that had me gripping the edges.

Well then he's not easing it, is he? WORDS MEAN THINGS

Can’t they use some average readings from the database?” Qeturah shrugged. “This particular method of testing has never been done before. There is no data.”

A SURPRISINGLY VALID QUESTION and a really stupid answer, why are you using an untested method if there's one that already works

“The Commissioner conveyed to us the permission of the government to carry out these tests.”

Apparently in space no one can hear you giving informed consent for medical procedures, Jesus

“It can wait,” I repeated.

Dealing with therapy for my sister and niblings after fifteen years of brainwashing from their husband/father isn't urgent

It appears to be common, by one physiological mechanism or another, in all humans.”

Belated gripe: why are all aliens just psychic humans, I am disappoint

“I bore people?”

GODDAMN YES YOU DO, when you're not being fucking infuriating

“With your permission,” said Dllenahkh.

So you have to get permission for psychic meddling but not for injecting mind altering chemicals, sure, makes sense

“Genuinely? I was a bit up there on the frenzy scale and even a little up on the pleasure scale. You tried to project dysphoria, and it combined with the frenzy to produce fear. So I dumped the frenzy and tossed back the dysphoria. And now I feel quite up there on the pleasure scale, thank you very much.”

I'm glad complex psychic empathy is something that can be mastered in an afternoon, god forbid it be a point of conflict for this POINTLESS story

But their professionalism and skill

I am 100% sure you have no idea what professionalism is...

it looked like a scattering of kites on the ground waiting to take flight.

Gotta be a better simile...

I used to tell her that if she understood the meaning of the word “professionalism,” she wouldn’t have to speculate about my love life or lack thereof.

Say "professionalism" one more goddamn time...

I was growing disgusted with my own self-pity.

For once we agree

in his eye a twinkle that wouldn’t understand the concept of rejection if it was explained to him in nine languages and fourteen dialects.

GEE HOW CHARMING, fuck this fucking book

“Yeah. Why ever not,”

Not like you're there FOR WORK. Professionalism!

well, maybe he looked a bit like Ioan, but only a little, okay?

Oh don't worry, I'm not judging you for that, you've got plenty of other awful personality traits for me to hate

combination of selection and switching could easily produce a child of Sadiri appearance and physiology.

This book has many uncomfortable and poorly handled themes like consent and a dim view of women who don't have a man but also can we not with the eugenics vibe?

He shrugged and flicked an expressive eyebrow upward while realigning the crotch of his trousers with a practiced cup-and-shake of his hand.

Lovely

Feel less, express more.”

Sure, why not, nothing else in this book is fucking consistent

“Thank you, Nasiha! I love chocolate decadence cake!”

Are you fucking kidding me with these names? Did they just forget to go back and change them from placeholders?

“This is a date, right?” “Why are you harassing me, Lian?” I sighed. “Payback?” Lian replied, wrestling on the pack with the ease of years of experience. “At least I can’t be accused of fraternization.” “Neither can I. Nor cradle snatching,” Lian said, taking it up a notch.

Left field drama again. Did we have a deleted scene or something?

I’m sorry if you interpreted my entirely professional attempt to warn you about being too friendly to Joral as a demonstration of inappropriate and frivolous interest in your social life.

Once again, what do you think professional means? Also, none of your fucking business, also there's such a thing as platonic friendship you sex-obsessed asshole, and also, I assume this will play out that Lian is AFAB and they'll get married and have babies because that's about how good this story is and fuck you for it.

Then Lian backed off, smirking, and left before I could think of a scathing rebuttal.

On the one hand, she should be allowed to wear makeup if she wants. On the other, she's a nosy little fucker who is terrible at everything and horribly unlikable so yeah, I'm all for ragging on her

And you remember Tonio, the guy who looked a little bit but not really like Ioan?

The occasional conversational asides are really getting on my fucking nerves...

elephants.

So...this is just earth, right? Only with different names and psychic humans?

mahouts’

Sure, just throw that out without explanation

It wasn’t much taller than a large-sized cart horse.

Oh, I'm sorry, these are MINIATURE elephants. Exotic alien lifeforms!

winked its small, long-lashed amber eye.

...Sure, winking is an elephant expression, why not

He gave me a laughing look that suggested he was either amused by or attracted to women who kiss elephants for no good reason. Or both.

Well I'm neither so can we get this shitshow moving?

when he turned his head a certain way, it framed his strong profile in a way that called attention to his mouth.

The device has yet to be invented to measure how much I don't care about your hormones

Ordinarily, I would say listen to the man.

Because you've been so culturally sensitive so far...

We were hardly halfway to the other side when we heard it coming, like thunder.

Of course

White water came pouring down the slope, crashing toward us with terrifying speed.

From WHERE? This is a river, not a fucking sewer system or a flash flood.

We hit. Water is hard. I lost breath, memory, and finally consciousness.

The physics here baffle me. If they swam across the mysterious flash flood would've been just as dangerous. I mean, fuck the narrator for ignoring the expert and endangering others but also what?

Dllenahkh’s eyes were still closed, but it was his voice that spoke,

Well since he's the only other one there I kind of fucking assumed...

A little sore, which is to be expected from being battered by water and rock.

Sure, going over a raging waterfall results in bumps and bruises. Wouldn't want any real consequences or conflict

As for the adepts, apparently we had washed up at one of the legendary monasteries via some underwater cave or passage or secret way that lurked behind or beneath the falls.

Conveniently they turned out to be real and also easy to stumble upon

cliché

It's not cute to call it out

This was not an Indiana Jones classic holovid; it was real life.

WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS UNIVERSE

“Parallel development of theories and practices, perhaps? A kind of Newton–Leibniz effect?”

A+ trying to sound smart while stating the blindingly obvious answer

“Well, that doesn’t help anyone.”

Well they saved your useless dumb ass

I spoke as if the mission team was “home,” and I suppose that’s what it had become to me by then.

Oh of course, since there's been so much camaraderie and love...

girl-woman

What

There was a carefully wrapped bundle of material that, when unfolded, revealed the many many fragments of my handheld.

So they have amazing waterproofing but haven't developed the Otter box