Pastoralia

by George Saunders

I gesture to her to put out the cigarette and make the fire. She gestures to me to kiss her butt.

Once, back in the days when people still poked their heads in, this guy poked his head in.

Ha ha! That is a joke. We know very well that all must poop.

Do Cokes grow on trees? Well, the other thing that does not grow on a tree is a poop truck.

You said Jesus Christ because of what I said about the goo-goo in my son’s nosehole.

The cavelady apparently has some strong opinions on booger nomenclature.

Inside was a conference table that filled most of a room that smelled like a conference table sitting in direct sunlight with some spilled burned coffee on it.

Being overly certain, he was relatively sure, was what eventually made one a wacko.

Had he done something to offend Cummings? It worried him that Cummings might not like him, and it worried him that he was worried about whether a nut like Cummings liked him. Was he some kind of worrywart? It worried him.