Whispered Prayers

by Alex Grayson

“Don’t apologize for your pain. Never be sorry for something like that.”

I’m not sure why, but I feel a connection with Kelsey. I know how deep her pain runs. I know exactly what she’s going through. I know the feeling of wanting to block people out, to push people away. The pain that grips you so tight it feels like you’re suffocating. That no matter what you do, things will never be good again. And you’ll do almost anything to bring back the person you lost.

Every night while she prays for God to bring her dad back, I pray that he’ll bring my daughter back.

“She’ll come around. She just needs to figure out how to let go of the pain in her heart first.”

It takes me a long time to drift off to sleep, and when I finally manage to, it’s a restless sleep filled with the whispered prayers of a broken girl.

“What is it about you that makes me want to be close to you?” he marvels in a low voice. His thumb rubs gently against my neck. “Why do I want to touch you so badly when I haven’t wanted to touch anyone in years?”

We’ll never forget the ones we love, they’ll be with us always, but we need to learn to live without them, to not let the pain of their loss rule our lives. Alexander hasn’t been grieving, he’s been living in his pain all these years. He’s not learning to move on, he’s staying in place and immersing himself in guilt.

“You can’t protect people from every little thing. You can’t prevent them from living or doing things that are natural for fear of something happening. If it’s meant to happen, then it’ll happen whether you try to prevent it or not.”

Love isn’t a strong enough word for what I feel for Gwen. It doesn’t even come close. What I feel for her is soul-deep and everlasting, a feeling that scares the ever-lovin’ hell out of me, but something I can’t deny any longer and will hold on to forever.