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Because every part of me loved every part of her. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
I followed after her, knowing that this girl was by far my greatest addiction.
“It’s you,” he repeated gruffly, fingers tightening on my waist. “I pick you. Every single time.”
“I’ll love you the right way this time,” he whispered, and his breath fanned my cheek. “If you’ll show me how.”
“Ride or die, Joe.” Fuck me… A shiver rolled through me, and I couldn’t stop myself from grabbing her ass and dragging her body roughly against mine. “Ride or die, Molloy.”
“This is my world. It’s fucking horrible, but I’m willing to show you, if you’re willing to stay.”
The fuck was I doing thinking that I could have a normal, healthy relationship when my life was the polar opposite?
you, my dear girl, have basked in the sunshine. You refuse to shy away from the world, choosing instead to embrace all that life has to offer.”
I just… I was so fucking tired. I felt hollow. Like I didn’t have anything left inside of me. Every time I closed my eyes at night, I was haunted by the sound of my mother’s and sister’s screams.
“You hurt yourself and that’s the same thing,” I choked out. “Because when you hurt, I hurt. When you burn, I go down in flames with you. We’re entwined, Joe. We’re mirrors. Don’t you get that by now?”
“Joe, I really feel like you weren’t…” “Don’t, okay?” Annoyed, I stood up and moved for her door. “Don’t make me a victim, Shan. It’s not the narrative of my story.”
“Sometimes I can’t control it,” I admitted brokenly. “It’s like something goes off in my head, and I check out. I stop thinking. I stop feeling. I stop fucking remembering all of the reasons I have to keep going and start thinking about all of the reasons why I should give up.”
Fucking despised myself for dragging her back to this house. But I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t have anyone else. She was my ride or die, and whether it was right or wrong, I knew she would come.
“I don’t know what I am,” I heard him say. “I don’t feel human anymore.”
And I loved him enough to keep fighting for him. Even when he’d given up on himself.
If Joey didn’t get a handle on things, he was going to end up forcing my hand. The thought of what might happen when that day came caused my heart to shrivel up and die. Because I couldn’t do this without him, but I refused to repeat past mistakes. I refused to subject our baby to the same ordeal their father had been exposed to. I wouldn’t be Marie Lynch. My baby would come first.
Yet, it felt like I was looking down on myself from above. Like I was a spectator, seeing all the bullshit unfold around me, while I was powerless to stop it.
That could be me. I could just disappear. I will disappear. It’s the best thing for everyone.
“I see you, Joey Lynch,” I whispered, pressing a kiss to his cracked and peeling lips. “You can’t hide from me.”
bro i cried when it was from shannon's pov and im crying now ugh
“The letter…did you read it?” “Yeah, Joe, I read it.” “I didn’t want to leave you,” he admitted and then a heart-wrenching sob tore from his chest. “I only wanted to protect you.” “That’s my job, remember?” I joked through my tears. “I’m the one saving 6.”
“Being alive is a challenge for me because I don’t work right. I don’t seem to have the right tools for going through the motions. It’s like I’m stuck on fight mode. I’m constantly watching for danger. Doesn’t matter if it’s there or not, I’m programed to sniff it out.
Shivering, she wrapped her arms around my neck and whispered the words, “Ride or die, Joe.” My heart gunned ferociously in my chest, because I knew she meant it, and when I whispered the words, “Ride or die, Molloy,” I knew I meant it, too. More than anything.
