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“The feels?” Lizzie arched a brow. “Girl, you are too much sunshine for one person.” “And you are too much gray cloud,” Claire quipped. Turning to me, she cooed, “And Shan here is our pretty little silver lining.”
“Hi, Shannon.” “Hi, Johnny,”
“It’s like a Great Dane and a Chihuahua trying to mate, but they somehow make it work.”
“Would you be allowed in there with me?” “I’d like to see him stop me,” he shot back, and then with a grin added, “And if he asks you about anything you don’t want to talk about, I’ll take a leaf out of my da’s book and jump in with a ‘My client reserves the right to not answer that question.’”
Shivering from the contact, I nodded and suppressed the urge to bury myself inside this boy and never come back up for air. Because I was falling too hard, depending too much, and growing entirely too attached to him. Red flags were shooting up all around me, and still I remained exactly where I was—exactly where I wanted to be. With him.
“Hey, little Shannon.” “Hi, Gibsie,”
“Hey—what was that in aid of?” Gibsie called after her. “Because you’re a dickhead,” Lizzie shot back. “And you’re a viper,” Gibsie muttered under his breath, rubbing the back of his head. “Jesus.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Get in the car.” I held my ground. “No.” “Get. In. The. Car. Shannon.” Anxiety flared to life inside of me. “No.”
“Have you seen the size of him?” Hughie offered with a despondent sigh. “He’s the fucking weapon.” “Jesus Christ,” Darren grumbled, spinning around to look at the boys. “Stay out of it, Kavanagh.”
Darren stared hard at Johnny for several long, palpable moments before throwing his hands up. “You know what, Shannon?” he said, laughing humorlessly. “Mam might be fucked in the head, but she’s dead on the money about him being like our old man.” Stalking around to the driver’s side of the car, he opened his door. “But hey, you do whatever the hell you want.”
“I love you.” I had no idea why I felt the need to tell him that, but the words seemed to clamber up my throat every time I laid eyes on him. The blue in his eyes blazed with heat. “I love you, too.” “Yeah?” “Yeah.”
“I just couldn’t, you know? I’ve never been able to connect with anyone like that.” He shrugged helplessly, blue eyes locked on mine. “Until one day I looked up from my life and there you were. All blue eyes and full of secrets.” He cleared his throat several times before saying, “And I’ve never felt more connected.”
“You make me happy,” he whispered. “I want to stick with that. I want to stick with you.”
He’s in there, my brain hissed. Run away, Shannon. Get away now!
My heart broke. Babies taking care of babies.
Somebody is going to die in this house. Sooner or later… I didn’t close an eye that night.
“I am fucking pregnant! I’m pregnant with despair, Johnny! I have a belly full of fucking disgust right now.”
“I said you weren’t allowed over there, but Shannon is always welcome in this house,” Mam said. “Under supervision.”
“I don’t want to feel this way anymore,” she told me, wiping her cheek with the back of her hand. “I don’t want this version of life. I don’t want to be this version of me.”
“No?” I cocked a brow. “Why not?” She opened her eyes and turned to look at me. “Because I trust you.”
But it was different with Shannon. Everything was different when it came to her.
“It’s not what I see when I look at you. It’s not what I have ever seen. I only want it for you because you want it for you,” I added, voice hoarse. “But I’m here either way—rugby or no rugby—if you want me to be.”
The thing was, I didn’t care what he did to my body so long as he left my heart intact.
“I’m not in your corner, Shannon,” Johnny replied in a gruff tone. “I’m standing right beside you.”
“Well, I don’t want easy. I want you,” he cut me off by saying. “Just the way you are.” My breath hitched in my throat. “Really?” “Really,” he confirmed, not missing a beat. “Every part and every piece.” I grimaced. “Even the broken parts?” He winked. “Especially the broken parts.”
Darren laughed humorlessly. “You know what? Do whatever you want. Go out and get yourself pregnant for all I care. I’m done trying to smooth things over with you and the boys. In fact, I don’t know why I fucking bothered in the first place.”
“Uh, thanks.” Under the streetlamps, I could see the blush on her cheeks. “It’s the clothes and makeup.” “It’s the girl,” I corrected, giving her hand a squeeze.
“Shh,” he coaxed, kissing my neck. “Just ride it out.”
“You are a mean girl, Lizzie Young, and it astounds me that you managed to snag two decent girls to be friends with you.” “Astounds you?” Lizzie countered in a sarcastic tone. “Wow. Big word, Gibs. Can you spell that, too?”
“I’m just so angry all the time,” she confessed, keeping her head down. “It won’t stop.”
I knew why she was angry with the world and I didn’t blame her. “It’s coming up soon, right?” I finally found the courage to ask. “Your sister’s anniversary?”
My heart sank. “Gibsie reminds you of him?” Lizzie flinched. “I can’t help it. Every time I look at him, I see him.” “They’re not the same person, Liz,” I offered quietly. “Gibsie isn’t Mark.”
“I’ve heard of fellas using household items as makeshift weights,” Gibsie mused, scratching his jaw as his gaze trailed over us. “But using little Shannon as a barbell? This is a new thing for you, Johnny.”
“Because you’re little?” He laughed. “And you’re Shannon.” Grinning, he shrugged. “Little Shannon.”
“After what happened at lunch today?” “It’s all good,” he told me, smile still in place. “No worries.” “Okay.” Shrugging helplessly, I added, “But for the record, I think you’re really smart.” His brows shot up. “Me?” “You,” I confirmed quietly before slipping out of the room.
“Lad, I think I love your girlfriend,” Gibsie stated when Shannon whizzed out of the sitting room. “That’s weird, right?” “What’s weird is you telling me that you love my girlfriend,” I replied, climbing to my feet. “That’s dangerous.”
“I’m not asking you to fix me,” she whispered, shivering. “I’m asking you to be with me.”
“I’m in love with you, Shannon. I’m completely fucking hooked on you, so when you’re hurt, it affects me. It hurts me. I can’t pretend that it doesn’t.” She shuddered and stepped closer to me. “But that doesn’t mean that I’m with you because I feel sorry for you…” I hooked an arm around her bare back and tugged her all the way until she was flush against me. “It just means that I’m going to get upset when you’re upset, and that when someone hurts you, I’m going to want to cause some serious harm to them in return. I’m all in, Shannon. Scars and all. Fucked-up father and all. One hundred and
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“This is not a good idea,” Shannon announced half an hour later as she sat in the driver’s seat of my car in the yard, staring at the steering wheel in front of her like it was a poisonous snake about to strike. “This is really, really not good, Johnny.”
He was walking around a free man.
“And there you have it, Ma,” I announced when my father was finished. “The absolute horror that is our justice system!”
“She deserves a hell of a lot better than the life she’s been handed.”
“What’s happening, baby?” “Nothing.” “Shan…” She blew out a harsh breath. “I’m scared.” I sat straight up. “Do you want me to come and get you now?”
“Shannon Maud Lynch, open the fucking door or I’m going to kick it down!” Darren bellowed. Johnny arched a brow. “Your middle name is Maud?” Cringing, I nodded. “My parents hate me.”
“Hit me back, you fucking coward!” Johnny snarled. “You’re so quick to put your hands on your girls, fucking try it with me! Come on, big man, hit me. See where it’ll get ya!”
“And then I’ll come for you, and when I do, God himself won’t save you.” He shoved my father again. “Are we clear, you poisonous piece of shit?”
“I knew I was right about you, girl!” Dad sneered, brown eyes narrowed on me. “You’re no daughter of mine.”
“I should have killed him,” Johnny seethed,
“He was right fucking there, and I saw red. I couldn’t walk away. I knew I should, but I just…couldn’t.” He gripped the wheel tighter. “Not after what he did to you.”
“I’ll stay with you.”
