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Mam had managed to scrape together the money for me to see a private counselor, but at eighty euros per session, and having to censor my thoughts at my mother’s request,
Ugh
That was the day I stopped. I stopped lying. I stopped pretending. I just stopped.
It was January. It was wet. It was cold. And for some strange, disconcerting reason, I was burning the fuck up on the inside.
“I won’t let you fall,”
“I’m Johnny,” I told her, biting back a smirk. “Who are you?” “Shannon,” she whispered. Her eyelids drooped a little but quickly sprung back open when I nudged her cheeks. “Like the river,” she added with a small sigh.
“Can you save me?” I frowned. “Do you need me to save you?”
“Hurting you,” I replied honestly. Christ, my voice didn’t even sound like it belonged to me. It was strained…raw. I cleared my throat and added, “It won’t happen again.” “You promise?” There she went with the promises again. “Yeah,” I said, tone thick now. “I promise.”
“I’ve got your back.” “No, you got my head,” she croaked out. She glanced down at her body and sighed. “Actually, I think you ruined all of me.” Thank fuck for that, because you’re ruining all of me right now,
Maybe I’d attached myself to Johnny because not only was he the first person I saw when I came to, but he also was the first person who’d shown me genuine kindness.
“Hi, Johnny.”
“Hi, Shannon.”
I wanted Shannon Lynch. And worse than wanting her, I really fucking liked her.
And why wouldn’t my heart stop trying to beat its way out of my chest? Was this going to happen every time I bumped into him? If so, I needed to get a prescription.
“What happened?” he demanded, glaring down at me. “Who the fuck made you cry?”
“Now, tell me who made you cry and I’ll fix it.”
it was a girl I barely knew, with soul-deep eyes, that I wanted to confide in. Because something told me I could. Because somewhere deep down inside of me, I felt like she knew me. Like she could save me?
God. That one word broke me. It was all too much. My life. Those girls. My father. And in the middle of it all, I could only see him. This boy.
“Is that good for you?” “Yeah, Shan.” Offering me a small smile, he reached for his bottle of water and took a swig. “You’re good for me.”
“What do you want me to do, Shannon?” Johnny strangled out. “Tell me what to do here.” “Hold me,” I sobbed, burying my face in his neck. “Don’t let go.” “Okay.” One of his large hands cupped the back of my head and the other moved to my back as he held me to his chest, slowly rocking me on his lap. “I won’t,” he whispered, folding me up in his arms.
Don’t tempt me…
Their internal thoughts are everything
I nestled my cheek against his side and closed my eyes, allowing myself to drift off to sleep without an ounce of fear in my heart because it couldn’t exist inside of me, not when this boy had his arm around me.
Stay. Stay with me, Shannon. I can keep you safe…
“She was wrapped in a towel and nothing else.” Gibsie grinned. “Nothing else?” “Nothing else,” I repeated, enunciating the word nothing. “Did you see—” “Yes,” I snapped and then groaned loudly. “Fuck.” “And?” “Perfect.” “Fuck.” “Yep.”
“Yes,” she replied, turning back to face me, eyes bright with excitement. “Do you?” “I like a lot of stuff,” I told her. You, most of all.
“Do you like Reckless Kelly?” she asked then. I shook my head. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of them.” “They have this new song out called ‘Wicked Twisted Road,’” she explained. “Are you sure you haven’t heard it?” My heart stopped in my chest.
“Listen to track nine.” I practically shoved the CD into her hand and shrugged. “Reminds me of you.”
“You would do that for me?” she asked, voice soft. I would do pretty much anything for you.
“I’m going to hug you now.” She hitched her leg over mine. “Is that okay?” Don’t do it. You’ll never get over this girl. “Yeah.” I exhaled a ragged breath, feeling my heart smash against my rib cage, as she hovered above me. “That’s okay.”
if I turned back and looked at those midnight blue eyes again, I was going to drown in them.
“But just so you know?” he added. “She’s always been your Shannon.”
You love him with every piece of your fractured heart…
Whatever’s responsible for that sad look in your eyes—” He paused to brush his thumb over my cheekbone. “That’s not me, I’m not like that, and I won’t do that to you.”
Something inside of this boy called to me. I had no idea what that something was, but it made me brave.
“I like you,” Johnny shot back without an ounce of hesitation. Well, I love you, Johnny Kavanagh! Even though you’re leaving. Even though you don’t feel the same. Even though loving you is going to break my heart.
“You. Are. Safe,” he stated, enunciating every word with aching slowness, as he trailed the pad of his thumb across my chin. “Whatever happened to you in your old school,” he said, pushing through the barriers once more. “It won’t follow you to Tommen.” With blue eyes burning bright with sincerity and determination, he added, “I won’t let anything bad happen to you here.” He pressed his forehead to mine and exhaled a pained sigh. “And if you just tell me where else I need to keep you safe, I’ll do that, too.”
“Well, thanks for caring,” I breathed. “Thanks for being worth it,”
“Shannon?” Johnny called after me. Pausing at the door, I swung back to look at him. “Yeah?” His blue eyes burned holes inside of me when he said, “Thanks.” “For what?” I whispered. Johnny smiled. “For being nothing like the rest of them.”
I think I’m in love with you. I think I’m falling. Please don’t hurt me. Please don’t ever hurt me.
